


Hopeless Romantic

by SoftServeTY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Coming of Age, Denial of Feelings, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Forbidden Love, Lifeguard Johnny, M/M, Mark is so embarrassing, Religious Guilt, Sexual Content, Slow Burn, Underage Drinking, not by Johnny though, small scene of attempted rape
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2019-10-21 12:38:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 31,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17642987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftServeTY/pseuds/SoftServeTY
Summary: This may sound like your typical school crush story, but Mark actually wishes it were that easy.He just wants to live his life like a normal teenager — at least as normal as that can be. But, a series of unfortunate events keep occurring. Ones that Johnny always happens to be there for one reason or another. Whether it be for better or for worse, it's hard to tell.He doesn't have the word "romantic" in his vocabulary, but he does have "hopeless".(This story is available in English AND Spanish [link in the author's notes of the first chapter])





	1. Summer Lovin' Happened So Fast

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, because we have another chaptered fic coming!
> 
> This is a link to the Spanish translation that a kind soul did: [Hopeless Romantic - Translation](https://www.wattpad.com/story/192518694?utm_source=android&utm_medium=link&utm_content=share_writing&wp_page=create&wp_uname=bbahzu&wp_originator=qc%2FpCK0%2B1I%2BoOq%2BLkkU8p37eSsVGIp8uvhjgWAM8MxGi8GeOuGcT76LvxyvoyRyCBcPMc4D3nkm3dS%2BEhU7%2BUGoBnE7vCo%2B92YDpU5IImMCBgZal8C9wVGc9qK3O%2BArV&_branch_match_id=659526230768895425)

Today was like most summer days to Mark, scorching and absolutely dreadful. He felt like he was going to become a puddle on the pavement any second. He knew that he should have planned to arrive later, because Jaemin and Jeno were always late. All of the boys had decided to start off their summer vacation by spending the day at the pool.

“Why can’t we just go inside?” Donghyuck whined beside Mark, cheeks a little red from the heat.

“Because Jaemin is fucking dumb and messaged me that he forgot to bring money, so I have to pay for the both of them. Jaemin told Jeno that he would treat him, but look how that turned out. I swear Jaemin has zero skill when it comes to flirting, it’s shameful really” Mark groaned, wiping at the sheen of sweat that had formed on his temple.

“You know you’re not one to talk much. Remember when that girl in our class made you a handmade lunch and you threw it in the trash right in front of her?” Renjun chimed in, seemingly innocent, but they all knew that he was a huge piece of shit.

“FIRST OF ALL” Mark huffed, “I had to throw it away because Donghyuck sneezed right into it when he was trying to hand feed me a piece of kimbap. Second of all, nobody asked you” he crossed his arms in annoyance, shooting a menacing glare at Donghyuck, who feigned innocence by offering back a boxy grin.

They waited maybe another five minutes in the blazing sun before Jaemin and Jeno arrived, with all of the boys thoroughly harassing Jaemin for leaving his money. Jaemin rubbed at the back of his neck and muttered a half hearted apology. But, it didn’t take him long to be shooting Mark with puppy dog eyes to buy him food. He gave him his pocket change anyway, fully expecting never to be reimbursed, but he just wanted to get the younger off of him and to stop nipping at his ankles so that he can swim like he came here to do.

He was entertaining himself in one of the deeper ends of the pool, watching fondly as his friends made fools of themselves in a more shallow area. They were playing chicken, Renjun on Donghyuck’s shoulders and Jaemin on Jeno’s. Donghyuck was dirty of course, using any means necessary to win, even if they weren’t exactly allowed.

When their roughhousing got a bit out of control, too much splashing for nearby children that was becoming a hazard to their safety, Mark heard a lifeguard blow their whistle. His attention shifted to said lifeguard, fully expecting some beefed out, thick headed looking jock. And he would be precisely correct. Mark watched in amusement as the lifeguard chewed them out and scolded them, snickering to himself. It wasn’t often that he got to see someone else putting his friends in their place, because usually he was the only one brave enough to do so.

He heard a loud splash to his left, realizing that it was just someone jumping off of the diving board. He hadn’t gone on one of them in a while, and he was honestly riding a high of ego right now after seeing his friends with their tails tucked between their legs. He climbed out of the pool and walked around the perimeter over to his friends.

“You guys want to see something cool? Watch this” he pushed his chest out as he makes his way towards the diving board.

“Eat shit, Mark” Donghyuck griped, but Mark was too set on his destination to turn around and make a witty remark.

Mark waited patiently in line for his turn at the diving board, debating what kind of jump he wanted to do. It didn't take him long, because of course he was going to do a flip. He stepped onto the board, a little bit of adrenaline was pumping through his body, making his fingers twitch in anticipation. He glanced up in the direction of his friends, snorting at how unamused they looked, yet still watching nonetheless.

He took a deep breath before running forward and jumping hard at the end of the board. It catapulted him up with impressive height, giving him plenty of speed to go into his flip. And it was perfect, he couldn't see it himself of course, but he could just _tell_ that it was very well executed. He crashed into the water, feeling like a winner. It was all rays of sunshine and rainbows, and he couldn't wait to rub it in his friends faces, because he knew that they couldn't do that.

He went to emerge from the depths of the deep end, kicking his legs to propel himself up, except one of his legs didn't move. He tried it again. Nothing. He opened his eyes and looked down — his foot was caught in the loop of his drawstring on his swim trunks. He tried to kick it free, but it was too tight. He cursed himself for double knotting it out of fear that one of his friends would pants him. Rightfully so though, because they have done it before — Donghyuck specifically.

He felt a pang of pain in his chest and throat. A tell-tale sign that he needed air. He panicked, arms flailing above and beside his head to try to swim up instead of just using his hands to free his foot. He couldn't think clearly right now, his chest hurt and he was starting to get light headed. The overwhelming urge to breathe was too strong, and despite his better judgement, he found himself sucking in a large gulp of water. He choked, the water filling his lungs instead of the much needed air. His arms were desperately trying to pull himself up, but they were not strong enough without the help from his legs.

He couldn't hold his eyes open any longer, the sting of chlorine was too much. Everything was too much. It was dark, he couldn't breathe, and all he could hear was the water whooshing around him as he flailed his limbs. He never knew it would end like this, but he’s honestly not surprised. It would be just his luck to go out this way — trying to look cool, but instead just winding up getting himself killed. Yup, that sounded about right.

He was so caught up in his life flashing before his eyes that he hadn’t registered the hands he felt on his body as a person. He assumed it was just God coming to collect him — at least he liked to think it was God, because he was a good Christian boy who prayed every night, give or take. And he accompanied his parents to Sunday sermons even though he would much prefer to lay in bed all day. What he didn’t know though, was that this wasn’t God at all. This was Satan.

It was all a blur. The sunlight creeping through his eyelids even though they were closed, the warm pavement on his back, and the hushed murmurs of people around him. What wasn't a blur though was the way something was pressing very aggressively on his chest in intervals — because fucking _ow_. What also wasn't a blur, was what followed after those pumps to his chest. Warm, wet lips connected with his, blowing hot air into his mouth. It hardly did anything at first, and Mark just mostly was kind of laying there like a dead fish and wondering what the fuck was happening. Then, something hit him. The air being blown into his mouth finally connected to his lungs and suddenly it was like the universe was right again. But, next thing he knew, with a strong thrust to his chest, that huge gulp of water that he took earlier was coming back up. He coughed the water out feebly, gasping for air once his lungs were free of it.

It took him a while to recover, and he was not sure when he had been moved, but he had somehow wound up in the staff area. Sheltered from the sun and wrapped up in a dry, warm towel. He opened his eyes, thoroughly confused as his brain tried to piece together what just happened. The last thing he remembered was being on the verge of drowning, then someone kissing him and... _oh my god_. He patted himself down, checking his pulse to make sure that he was in fact alive.

“Slow down there tiger” an unfamiliar voice called as they approached him. It was the lifeguard from before, the one who nagged his friends about playing too rough. “Here” he offered Mark a bottle of water. Mark unintentionally turned his nose up to it. The last thing he wanted to see right now was water. “Suit yourself” he settled, placing the water beside Mark anyway, just in case he decided he wanted it later.

“Did um...did you save me?” Mark asked after a little while of silence passed between both of them. It was probably no more than ten seconds, but for some reason it felt so much longer with this awkward air looming around them.

“You could say that, yeah” the brunette man answered nonchalantly, munching on some watermelon that he had cut up for himself. He was scrolling through his phone absentmindedly, he must be on his break.

“That means...you’re the one who...” Mark tapped his fingers to his lips, slowly making sense of the situation aloud. The lifeguard quirked a judging eyebrow at him.

“Yes, I’m the one who kissed you. It’s part of the job description. Sorry, were you wanting some hot girl?” he teased.

“N-no” Mark grumbled, attempting to seem composed, but the stutter in his voice really wasn’t in his favor.

“Sure. Anyways, what happened? What were you doing jumping off the diving board if you can’t swim?” he took another piece of watermelon and popped it into his mouth.

“I can swim!” Mark retaliated, needing to clear that misunderstanding up, because that was the last thing he needed right now on top of all of this. “I just...my foot got stuck in my drawstring, so I couldn’t kick my leg” he muttered.

“Ahh...well next time how about you untangle your foot instead of nearly drowning?” he griped, and Mark watched as he ate more of the watermelon.

“You know, you’re not very nice for a lifeguard. Don’t you work with kids and shit?” Mark snapped.

He noticed how Mark had been staring at the plate of watermelon in his hand, reaching the plate out to offer him some. Mark gladly took a few pieces, munching in annoyance as he fumed a little and glared at the larger boy in front of him.

“Sorry...it’s just been a long day you know. Screaming children and annoying parents, teenagers who want nothing more than to cause trouble” he paused, glancing back at Mark and he knew that that was a direct jab at his friends. “Plus, I’ll be honest...you had me worried. I’ve never had to perform CPR on someone before, so you popped my CPR cherry.”

Mark couldn't help but to wince at this guy's crude wording, but he thought that he was trying to be nice? Possibly?

“So...that was the first time you’ve had to kiss someone?” Mark asked hesitantly, cursing the way his heart thudded a bit out of rhythm at that.

“Don’t flatter yourself. Of course I’ve kissed people before you. Just in this kind of scenario, you were my first” he clarified.

Of course. That made sense. Mark didn’t know why he thought that he might be the first person that this — admittedly very attractive — guy had ever kissed. Not everyone was like him with virgin lips. But wait...oh my god. Did this mean that Mark had his first kiss? With a _guy_? No, did this even count as a kiss? No, it didn’t, this was just him doing his job and saving him. That’s all it was. He was still virgin lips, but he didn’t know if that was even any better. Mark took a few more pieces of watermelon from the guy's plate out of spite.

“You really like watermelon huh? Wait here” he said before he stood up and walked out of the room.

Mark pulled the towel that was covering him and draped it across his shoulders, pulling it down like a shawl, because the few oscillating fans in the room were actually getting chilly. The large man emerged with a few triangular slices of watermelon for Mark on his own plate and offered it to him. Mark mumbled a ‘thanks’ and took the plate from him.

“Unless you like my company or something, you’re free to go do whatever you want now. Your friends are still out there and I think you’re in fine condition. Just steer clear of the deep end, alright? I’ll be watching you. And don’t think I won’t blow my whistle if I see you over there” he warned.

“Thanks, um...?” Mark led on, because he didn't even know the name of the guy who saved him.

“Johnny” he concluded.

“Thanks for helping me, Johnny. You did um...good? I mean I’m not dead so...” Mark was awful and absolutely the most embarrassing human being. He was already digging himself his own grave and he had one foot in it. “I’m Mark” he finished up his rambling, because honestly why couldn't he just shut up when things got awkward?

“Mark...” Johnny repeated, “Thanks for being my _first_ , Mark” he said with a sly grin plastered across his face.

Mark didn't have a witty comeback for that, all he could do was gape at Johnny from that horrible tease that just came out of his mouth. He didn't have time to determine if that was flirtation or just a cunning statement. This guy was the epitome of piece of shit and Mark quite frankly wanted to high tail it out of there before his skin betrayed him and turned an alarming beet red. That would only be yet another thing for Johnny to tease him over.

He stumbled over his own two feet as he rushed out, almost dropping his watermelon and mumbling a few curses under his breath, ignoring the unfiltered snickering he heard from Johnny behind him. It took him a total of maybe three seconds to spot his friends after he left the staff room. They were all huddled in the shade under the canopy of the concessions area. Donghyuck whistled raunchily when Mark joined them.

“What took you so long? Did that kiss lead into something a little hotter?” the youngest wriggled his eyebrows coyly at Mark.

“You’re ridiculous, of course it didn’t” Mark whined.

“That’s too bad. Did you see how hot that lifeguard was? He was just oozing with testosterone. What with his well defined muscles and all. No wonder they hired him here, I would have too if that means I get to see him shirtless all the time” Donghyuck’s fawning was quickly cut short due to Mark elbowing him in the side.

“Jesus, you have no shame” Mark scolded the younger, sitting down next to Renjun because he just might be the most sane one out of his friends.

Donghyuck was very proudly and openly gay. He was always one to voice his opinions, whether you like it or not. Jaemin and Jeno had this weird relationship going on between them and Mark wasn't sure if they were actually dating or not. But, it wasn't exactly any of his business so he left them alone on that matter. No need to stick his nose some place it didn't belong. And Renjun’s sexuality was just...questionable. Mark honestly couldn't get a read on Renjun, so he was up in the air.

As for Mark, he was straight. He was your typical Christian boy. He had plans on saving himself for marriage, he was going to marry a lovely woman and have two kids with her, and they were going to live in a middle class neighborhood with a white picket fence around their house. Growing up Christian, he didn't necessarily have any grudges towards gay people, he just didn't want them to push their beliefs onto him too hard. He could take his friends' pestering to a certain degree, but they knew when to stop, because it made him uncomfortable.

“Why do you have watermelon?” Jeno piped up, pausing from sharing a cup of ice cream with Jaemin.

“Johnny gave it to me” Mark answered without the thought that they didn't know who Johnny even was.

“Oh, so you get Johnny’s watermelon instead of his number. Great. Is that code for something? Is this some kind of new innuendo?” Donghyuck said unamused, stabbing his spoon into his own ice cream. Quite possibly moping over the fact that he had not been the one that Johnny saved, what with the way he was practically drooling over him.

“Shut up, it’s not like I’m ever going to see him again” Mark grumbled around a mouthful of his watermelon.

“Yeah that’s too bad...” Renjun was fumbling in his pocket to pull out his phone. “Good thing I got him giving you mouth to mouth resuscitation on video. Something to remember him by.”

Mark needed to find new friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really can't stop all of these AU ideas that I have in my head, SOMEBODY HELP.
> 
> Come yell at me lol  
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SoftServeTY)  
> [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/SoftServeTY)


	2. That Sounds Like a Personal Problem

Summer vacation ends and Mark quickly — much too quickly — finds himself roaming the halls of his new high school. The building was much bigger than his middle school, and its larger layout was proving to be very difficult for him to navigate through. Despite having shown up for orientation the day prior to actual class where faculty showed the incoming freshman around the school, he still managed to lose his way to certain classes. He also forgot his locker combination which made him late to his first period. It wasn’t a good impression to his teacher, but he let him off with a warning. Mark was already intimidated, the teachers here were much less lenient than his middle school teachers.

He thanked the heavens when he stumbled — almost late once again — into his third period Earth Science class, where he spotted Donghyuck seated in the back of the classroom. He made a bee line for his friend, thanking the heavens yet again when he realized that there was an empty seat next to him.

“You look like you’re ready to keel over” Donghyuck stated when Mark collapsed into the chair and threw his supplies down onto the desk with a loud thump. He may or may not have ran to class.

“Whoever organized my class schedule needs to be fired. All of my classes are placed on opposite ends of each other. I have to run from one end of the building to the other for each class” Mark complained, sinking down into his chair and throwing his head back to breathe deeper.

“That sounds like a personal problem” Donghyuck replied shortly, earning him a deserved smack on the arm from the older.

Once Mark had calmed his beating heart enough to get ready to focus for class, he noticed that this class particularly had a lot of students in it. Everyone must have heard how cool this teacher specifically was, because there were two other Earth Science teachers, but for the most part the majority of freshman must have signed up for his class. The teacher stood up from his seat at the front of the classroom once the bell sounded.

“Alright, first things first, welcome to Earth Science” he started casually, pausing before leading on. “I’m sure you all have noticed the sheer number of all of you crammed into this room, so I asked administration to sacrifice one of your upperclassmen to be my assistant. Because, lord knows I can’t keep you monsters in check by myself” he jabbed playfully.

He extended his hand to his left, motioning towards the door. In walked a very tall, brunette man. And in walked Mark’s greatest fear.

“Therefore, I introduce to you, Johnny Seo. He’s a senior who has taken my class before. But, don’t try to sweet talk him into helping you on your assignments or tests, because I change them every year.”

Mark can’t really hear the teacher, because his ears are ringing from the blood rushing to his brain. But, after that he gathers that the teacher concluded the introduction, because he found Johnny walking to the back of the classroom. He kept coming closer and closer, and Mark didn’t know why he was expecting him to take a seat in the middle of the classroom considering that all of the seats were taken. Wishful thinking, he supposes. He felt himself curling in on himself as the elder drew closer, wanting him to stop coming near, because maybe he wouldn’t notice him. It was a dumb hope though, because they were going to have to be in the same class for a year, of course Johnny would notice him.

Johnny pulled a spare, single seat from the side of class, bringing it to the very back of the room, right behind Mark and Donghyuck. Mark tried with all his might not to look behind him and to make the burning at his ears go away. Donghyuck had clearly recognized Johnny as soon as he had walked in, and Mark’s current state of looking like a tomato wasn’t helping. He was absolutely cracking up, attempting to stifle his cackling with his hand, but the menacing daggers that Mark was shooting at him only made the situation funnier.

“Is there something that you wish to share with the class, Donghyuck and Mark Lee?” Johnny bellowed from behind them.

Fuck.

Donghyuck promptly shut up and Mark shook his head vigorously, never looking back. The teacher continued the class with going over the syllabus. It was a relatively easy first day of class, which Mark was very thankful for because no matter how hard he tried to focus, he felt like he could sense Johnny burning holes into the back of his head. Once the bell rang and the teacher dismissed the class, Mark got the hell out, not wasting any time in scooping his materials up and leaving. Donghyuck was close behind him, his laughing fit kicking back in as the two of them headed to lunch.

“I can’t believe this shit” he said between laughs, “it’s like you’re living in a cheesy teen drama or something.”

They met up with their friends and Donghyuck made it a point as soon as they saw them to inform them about Johnny’s reappearance into Mark’s pitiful life. Jaemin and Jeno whistled raunchily while Renjun choked on his food at this new information.

“What did you expect though? He looks close to around our age. He was bound to go to our school” Jaemin said around a mouthful of food.

“Out of all the schools around here, you really believe that he was _bound_ to go to this one? And he does NOT ‘look around our age’. You mean to tell me that that living, breathing bigfoot wannabe looks the same age as us?” Mark spat, taking his rage out on his friends. But, they find it comical nonetheless.

 

*

 

His life goes on, and by ‘goes on’ that entails him avoiding Johnny like the plague. He hangs his head low in class, keeps his mouth shut, and in the rare instances that he sees Johnny in the halls he walks the complete other direction. It’s a decent plan that works well enough, until one unfortunate day.

Johnny is handing tests back and when he gets to Mark, he sets the paper down with a circled 36 in red at the top. Mark could take his losses, he just told himself that he would study harder for the next one. But, Johnny had other intentions. He bent down to say something to Mark, when really Mark just wanted him to turn around and give Donghyuck back his test and for the elder to be on his way.

“I want to talk to you after class” Johnny whispered.

Mark wanted to act like he couldn't hear him, because maybe then he could dip out of class once it’s over and never come back. But, that’s unrealistic and he really just wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole. Because, why in the love of God did Johnny whispering in his ear make his whole face flush and his heart almost beat out of his chest? He swallowed a thick knot in his throat and reluctantly nodded his head.

When class ended he started gathering his things, because if Johnny didn’t start talking to him within five seconds then he’s leaving and never looking back.

“Mark” Johnny said when the younger scooted his chair under his desk, about ready to flee.

Mark ignored the wink and annoyingly sly grin from Donghyuck as his friend left him alone with the elder. He turned to Johnny, putting up his best act of being a confident and smart student.

“I’ve been noticing that your grades in this course are dropping recently. Why? Are you having trouble with the material?” he said as he stood up from his seat, gathering the other assignments that he had been grading.

“Why do you care? It’s not like you’re the teacher. You don’t make money off of our grades like him” Mark said shortly, and he didn't know why it came out so harshly.

“I’m just trying to be nice, man. After all, you’re the one who said that I should be more nice when I’m working with _kids_ ” Johnny said coyly.

That statement from the elder had Mark both seething with rage from Johnny implying that he sees him as a child, and had him becoming a stuttering mess from how small Johnny makes him feel. He swung his bookbag over his shoulder and started heading for door.

“Mark. Really...what’s going on?”

Maybe it’s the serious tone that Johnny puts on, or maybe it’s the way that his eyes have softened when Mark finally looks at him. But, either way, Mark finds himself eventually opening up.

“I’m just not big on science...like at all. I like music, arts, language, stuff like that” Mark was honest with the elder. “Now, if that’s all that you wanted to know then I’m leaving. I’ll do better on the next test. Don’t worry about me.”

“I know that you’ll do better on the next one, because I’m going to tutor you.” Johnny said with his full chest, unwavering.

“Excuse me?” Mark asked, because he’s not sure if he heard him correctly.

“I’m going to tutor you” Johnny repeated.

“And why would you do that?” Mark quirked a suspicious eyebrow at the elder.

“I don’t really know. But, I kind of see you like a little brother. Like I need to look out for you” Johnny glanced up at the ceiling like he’s trying to pull the answer out of the air. Mark narrowed his eyes warily at the elder.

“‘Like a little brother’?” he parroted, “hyung?” he chimed cutely and it’s disgustingly cringey.

“Don’t” Johnny warned, glaring Mark down in a way that has him both laughing, but not trying his luck by pushing the senior’s buttons any further.

“You know what? Fine. I’ll let you tutor me, but on one condition” Mark proposed.

“You make it sound like I’m begging to tutor you” Johnny griped.

“Aren’t you?” Mark said cheekily. “Anyways, if I get an A in the class at the end of the year, then you have to perform with me at the end of the year talent show.”

“In what world is that a fair bet?” Johnny whined. “Besides, what makes you think that I can perform at all?”

“I have my sources” Mark answered shortly, mind flickering back to the time when Renjun showed him a video — that he had somehow gotten his hands on — of Johnny playing the piano and singing for a contest last year that the whole school had participated in for the most part. It was a battle between all of the grades.

“Fine, whatever” Johnny eventually gave in after gnawing at his bottom lip for a short time, “It’s a deal.”

 

*

 

It was undeniably awkward at first, spending time after school with Johnny. But, Mark did actually see improvement in his grades. And he hates to say it, but he was actually starting to like hanging out with Johnny. He was levelheaded, calmer, and more mature than his other crackhead friends. It was a nice breath of fresh air to be around him. Being with him, he was coming to realize that Johnny wasn’t actually mean at all, more like just super playful and teasing.

A few months had passed and eventually, Mark gathered the courage to invite Johnny over to his house for tutoring, rather than the two of them loitering in the school library like they had been. Johnny agreed, and Mark honestly hadn’t been expecting him to. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to act, he wanted to give off a good impression, but he also didn’t want to seem uptight.

His parents thoroughly stomped on Mark’s plans to be cool though as soon as he and Johnny stepped foot into the house. They greeted him as if Mark had no friends on the planet, like he was a rare find and that Mark will be damned if he ruins what he assumes is friendship. He thinks they’re at that level now, right?

They thank him for taking care of their thick headed son and praise how good of a boy he is for taking Mark under his wing. The cooes and compliments pour from their lips while they bless Johnny for his existence and Mark is left turning several shades of pink in the fourier. Johnny takes their flattery with an awkward smile, laughing and waving his hands like he’s brushing their compliments away out of humbleness. As if Johnny could be humble.

It grows much too embarrassing for Mark, quickly shoving Johnny on his back upstairs to his room, yelling down to his parents that they’ll be down for dinner later. Once he and Johnny are inside of his room, he shuts the door and leans against it, letting out an exaggerated sigh.

“Your parents are um...nice?” Johnny settles.

Mark only shoots him a ‘you’re crazy’ kind of look, and Johnny drops the conversation. They go ahead and begin the tutoring, becoming so absorbed in the work that time passes relatively fast. Next thing they know, Mark’s mother is calling them from downstairs that dinner is ready.

The chit chat at dinner was quaint, domestic, and Mark was pleased with the way things were unfolding. That is, until his parents decided to bust out their favorite question.

“So, what’s your view on religion, Johnny?” his mom asked politely.

Mark choked on his water, trying not to make a spectacle of himself and stifled his coughs. Johnny wiped his mouth on a napkin before replying to his mother.

“I’m not exactly the religious type ma’am” he answered honestly.

It’s a decent reply and it should be enough, but in Mark’s household — in the eyes of his parents — that was never enough. He knew the moment the words came from Johnny’s mouth that his parents would not take to them well.

“Not religious?” Mark’s father spoke up, “What are you, an atheist then?”

Mark’s head was spinning and he hated how south he could see this is going. He should have warned Johnny about his parents, because this wasn’t his first rodeo. He knew how they were, and he had had to make his friends before lie about their religion and sexuality. Why didn’t he think to inform Johnny? God, he was such an idiot.

“No, sir. I just don’t think that I identify with any of the religions that I currently know. So, I don’t see a point in labeling myself with one.”

Mark watched in fear as his father leaned back in his seat, that look of disappointment on his face that Mark had seen many times. But, it’s not directed to Johnny, it’s directed at Mark. Maybe because he brought home such a disgraceful friend.

“Well you know, Christianity could help with your feeling of being lost” his father said as he crossed his arms.

“That’s right! We’ve all been lost at one point or another. God always finds a way to gather back his children” his mother said sweetly, and it’s sickening.

The air was heavy now, everyone had stopped eating and the room was filled with silence. Johnny opened his mouth to say something, but Mark promptly set his hand on the elder’s knee, giving him light squeeze as a plea for him to let it go. The gesture going thankfully unnoticed by his parents, because knowing them, they would likely take the action as something else between the two boys.

“You’re right” Johnny said reluctantly after a long pause. “I think that I’ll give Christianity a try. After all, you two have raised such a good kid around the religion.”

Mark couldn’t tell if Johnny was just really trying to sell his blatant lie just to sweeten up his parents a little and to get them off his back. Or, if he was completely genuine in praising Mark. Nevertheless, he kept his head low and began eating again once his parents continued, now content with Johnny’s answer.

The rest of the dinner was relatively silent, only the sound of dishes clinking and general noises of eating filling the room. Mark’s parents had apparently heard enough, and Johnny certainly wasn’t going to try to edge them on any further.

Dinner ended and Johnny took it as his cue to leave, having a good feeling about when his presence was wanted, and this was not one of those moments. He had overstayed his welcome, so he followed Mark up to his room to collect his papers and books. Mark walked him back downstairs to see him off.

“I’m really sorry about how this turned out. For my parents’ attitudes” he said quietly, so his parents didn’t hear him.

“It’s alright” Johnny assured softly. “I should have known better. What with the countless Jesus paintings strewn about the house” he remarked playfully.

Mark just gives him a wary nod, clearly down in the dumps. He didn’t know it, but in that moment he very much looked like a scolded puppy to the elder. Head hung low and even a tail tucked between his legs.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Alright?” he promised, reaching his hand out to ruffle the younger’s hair. It’s nice. His hand looks big and intimidating, but it’s so warm and gentle. Mark was beginning to know that that is just how Johnny is. It was much different from his first impression of the elder, but it was a much better change.

“Alright...I’ll see you tomorrow” Mark croaked out, nodding his head just in case Johnny hadn’t heard him.

Johnny gave him a tender smile before turning on his heel and walking out the door. Mark stood in the fourier for a little while, watching Johnny walk away from the house through the front window. He turned around to march back upstairs to his room, very tired and emotionally drained after dinner. What he hadn’t expected was to see his dad standing at the foot of the stairs.

“I don’t want you seeing that boy anymore” he said shortly.

“Why?” Mark was a little impressed that he had the courage and energy to question his father right now.

“Because, I don’t think that he is a good influence. You heard the way he mocked our lord” he said sternly.

Mark contemplated slinking by his father, because all he wanted was to crawl into bed and forget about tonight. But, his problems weren’t going to go away with a night of sleep. He had to face them, especially when they were standing right in front of him.

“I don’t want you hanging out with him. Do you understand me, Mark Lee?”

Mark wasn’t one for confrontation, so when problems arose, he usually resulted in trying to dissolve the situation. In this case, it was to appease his father’s orders. Despite how much he wanted to be friends with Johnny. Despite how much he wanted to be close with Johnny. And despite how much he liked being with Johnny.

“Yes, sir.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The drama begins...I'm so sorry Mark.


	3. A Night to Remember

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mark reaches peak wallflower in this chapter. Please pray for him.

Avoiding Johnny was easier said than done, especially when Mark had to see him every day for his Earth Science class. The first few weeks had been horribly uncomfortable, with Mark trying to act like nothing was wrong, but there in fact was. He would be lying if he said that he didn’t feel guilty about leading Johnny on, pretending to be his friend when they still studied together after school in the library. Only briefly though, because he couldn’t let his parents be suspicious that he was still hanging out with Johnny.

That’s why after a few long weeks of Mark harboring these guilty feelings, he eventually distanced himself from Johnny. He started cancelling their meetings, stating that he had plans. The excuses then led him to say that he no longer needed the tutoring — which was not a complete lie. He had been doing much better in class now, so it was a little true that he didn’t need the one on one tutoring anymore. In all honesty, he had a sneaking suspicion that he had been performing poorly in the class due to being so intimidated by Johnny’s presence — after all, it was hard to focus when a six foot tall man was breathing down your neck right behind you.

He and Johnny naturally grew apart the longer that Mark put off their after school study sessions. Especially with the added burden of exams since the year was coming to a close in a couple months, Mark knew that Johnny would be busy, so this was probably for the best after all. Johnny could focus on himself instead of needlessly tutoring Mark information that he had already learned. He didn’t benefit from it at all, so Mark didn’t blame him if he no longer wanted to help him in the class.

“What are you moping about on this lovely Tuesday morning?” Donghyuck who had materialized out of nowhere singsonged beside Mark in the hallway.

“Christ” Mark uttered under his breath after it escaped him from being startled. “Moping? I’m not moping.”

“Liar. I can practically see the elevens that are creasing between your eyebrows” Donghyuck jabbed his finger between Mark’s eyes.

Mark swatted his hand away in mild annoyance, but grinned faintly nonetheless. “It’s nothing” Mark fibbed, “really” he added for emphasis when Donghyuck quirked a suspicious eyebrow at him.

“Yeah whatever” Donghyuck huffed, looking straight ahead and a small pout forming on his lips. “I think what you need is to let loose” a playful edge in his voice, one that Mark knew only led to no good. “A party perhaps” he purred.

“A party?” Mark entertained the idea, playing along with Donghyuck’s ploy. “And just what kind of party do you have in mind? Do you even know people who throw parties?”

“Oh my god...don’t tell me you haven’t heard” Donghyuck groaned, rolling his eyes towards his thick headed friend. “It’s not exactly like the coolest party, but it’s the end of the year school dance.”

“Oh, yeah no. I’m not going to that, haha” Mark laughed in Donghyuck’s face.

“What? Are you too cool for school dances, Mr. Mark Lee?” Donghyuck narrowed his eyes menacingly at the elder.

“Not exactly. I just never found the middle school dances to be any fun, so why would this be any different? Besides, I don’t have a date.”

“Now that’s just rude. You have me, asshole” Donghyuck griped.

“Gross” Mark retorted, causing the younger to scoff.

“Oh come on! I can’t go with Jaemin and Jeno because they’re probably going to be sucking face by the end of the night” Donghyuck whined.

“What about that kid in your chorus class? The one that you said could and probably would kill you, but that you’d be okay with it?”

“I’ve been sliding him subtle hints for a few weeks, but I think he might be denser than you” Donghyuck said with such ease and a straight face that it bothered Mark a little.

“Or he just doesn’t like you” Mark fired back quickly.

“Fuck you, everyone loves me. I’m adorable” Donghyuck huffed, shoving Mark into the wall with a shoulder nudge.

“Why don’t you just actually ask him out then? You’ve never been one much for subtlety.”

Donghyuck took several seconds too long by Mark’s standards to respond, which led to a sharp gasp and a much too loud assumption.

“Wait! You like him! You _like-like_ him!” Mark blurted as the situation dawned on him.

“Shut the fuck up” Donghyuck whined, trying to clasp his hand across Mark’s mouth, but he was quick to dodge all of Donghyuck’s attempts.

“Awww, my little Hyuk has a real crush” Mark cooed, pinching a chunk of Donghyuck’s cheek that had turned pink with embarrassment between his thumb and index finger.

“Piss off” Donghyuck pouted as he shoved Mark’s hand away. “If you don’t want to go with me, then why don’t you just go ahead and ask Johnny?”

“Johnny?” Mark’s head cleared a little bit from the laughing high that he was on. “Why would I ask Johnny?”

“Oh please, it’s obvious the way you look up at him all starstruck. I swear I could see the hearts in your eyes.” Mark knew that Donghyuck was just trying to take the attention off of himself, so he didn’t take the jab to heart.

“Yeah sure, I’m head over heels” Mark mocked simply to tease the younger. “But, we don’t really hang out anymore. We weren’t that close to begin with.”

It was a small lie and Mark knew it. Johnny and him had actually started to get kind of close, that is until Mark cut off ties with him. He didn’t want to let Donghyuck know the reason as to why they no longer hung out, because he knew that Donghyuck would try to talk him out of it. Try to encourage him to spend time with Johnny, despite what his parents had told him. But, Mark knew what was good for him, and that was to listen to his parents. It had gotten him pretty far in his life this far, so it couldn’t hurt him. Disappointing his parents though, that would hurt him.

“That’s a shame...can I have your boyfriend instead then?” Donghyuck’s voice had a high pitched lilt on the end of it, an annoyingly teasing tone that Mark had grown used to over the years, but it seemed extra annoying in that sentence for some reason.

“I don’t care what you do with him, and he was never my boyfriend” Mark groaned a little defensively, swatting at Donghyuck, but the younger dodged him and stuck out his tongue for added insult to injury.

The bell suddenly rang clear and ear piercing loud in the halls. Mark and Donghyuck glanced wide eyed at each other, tightening their grips on the straps of their book bags before scurrying off to their shared class. Mark tried with all his willpower to ignore the stone cold gaze that Johnny was giving them when they walked in late. He kept his head hung low, feeling the intensity of Johnny’s stare burning a hole through him.

“...sorry” Donghyuck mumbled before the two of them took their seats.

The teacher started class after they stopped being a disruption. After some time of listening and taking notes, Donghyuck spotted an opportunity to lean over and talk to Mark.

“So, what’s your answer on the dance?”

“Ahem!” Johnny interjected behind them.

Both Donghyuck and Mark winced at the noise. Mark didn’t dare to look back, he could just tell in his voice that Johnny was in a poor mood, he could only wonder if he was the cause or if it was something else. He probably deserved it, but Mark liked to tell himself that he wasn’t the reason. Even if he was angry though, he didn’t have to be such an ass about it. Mark was coming to remember why he thought that Johnny was such a dick the first time he met him.

Ugh, whatever. He and his poor attitude could go to hell.

 

*

 

Mark’s household had grown relatively quiet. His parents no longer asked about Johnny, which honestly helped Mark in ignoring the elder, because it was hard to miss him when he wasn’t being brought up all the time. But, admittedly there was a part of him that found that forgetting about Johnny made him feel like a horrible human being. They had been friends after all right? So how could Mark just leave Johnny out in the cold like that. The more he dwelled on the idea, the more it made him sick to his stomach. He could have gone about the whole situation better, but he was coming to realize how selfish and weak he was. But, he didn’t know what to do about it.

Mark was sat in the middle of his bed, textbooks and papers askew all over his sheets. He twiddled with his pencil in his hand, trying to focus on his homework and studies for the upcoming exams that he had. But, it was proving harder than he would like, because the school dance that Donghyuck had been talking about was the weekend coming up. He was still on the fence about going, honestly teetering more towards no, since he was currently nose deep in his notes.

He had finally gotten somewhat enveloped in his work when he heard his phone vibrate atop the blankets next to his leg. He stopped in the middle of solving a formula, glancing at the message displayed across the screen that had lit up.

**_From: Bigfoot_ **

_Hey, are we still on for the talent show?_

_You’re still doing well in class after all._

Mark felt his heart climb up his throat as he read the message. A text from Johnny had been the last thing he was expecting. He scrambled for the phone, immediately pausing when he opened the chat, because he hadn’t thought that far ahead for what he was going to say. He tapped slowly on the screen as he thought about his response.

_I haven’t planned anything._

_I think I might be too busy to participate..._

_Oh? Busy with what?_

“Avoiding you” Mark mumbled aloud. He glanced back and forth between his notes and the phone.

_Just exams...you know, the usual._

_Yeah that’s probably for the best._

_I have scholarships to apply for anyway that I should focus on..._

_And college entrance exams._

Oh yeah.

That hurt a little — a lot maybe.

Mark always forgot that Johnny was a senior, that he would no longer go to high school with him after this semester was up. Maybe that would be in his best interest. Maybe the desire that he felt to hang out with Johnny wouldn’t be so strong if the elder wasn’t so easily accessible to him. But, the idea of not seeing Johnny did hurt. This was probably what his parents wanted though, and this would be the easiest way to follow through, just slowly drifting apart.

Mark watched his phone screen for a while, waiting to see if the grey chat box with three dots would appear. But, it didn’t — Johnny was done talking with him. He switched the screen off, rolling onto his side after he packed his books and notes back into his book bag. He plugged his charger into his phone, setting his alarm before he placed it down onto the desk. He pulled the covers up to his face, letting his eyelids fall closed and a long exhale as his muscles relaxed into the mattress.

There were a few moments of silence while Mark tried not to think too hard about Johnny, until his phone vibrated aggressively against the hard surface of his desk, the abrupt noise making Mark jolt and his eyes shoot open. He reached for his phone, the screen already lit up from the notification. He was only slightly surprised when he read that the message was from Johnny. The way his heart skipped didn’t go unnoticed, but it sunk just as fast as it had jumped when he read the message.

_If you change your mind about the talent show, tell me..._

_I’ll do it if you ask me to._

Mark was horrible. Despite his attempts to distance himself from the elder, Johnny was still trying to reach out to him. Johnny actually wanted to be his friend. Johnny wasn’t dumb and Mark knew that, so that meant that Johnny must have noticed how Mark had been avoiding him, yet he still wanted to be with him. It hurt.

He continued to stare at his phone screen, his thumb hovering over the chat box. He inhaled and exhaled slowly, switching the chat to his and Donghyuck’s. He could count on Donghyuck to be awake right now, he was always up late anyway. His eyes scanned lazily over the keyboard as he typed out his message, reading it over once more before pressing send — debating if he actually wanted to send it.

_Still wanna go to the dance?_

_Oh FUCK YEAH!! You bet your sweet ass I do!_

He momentarily thought about asking Johnny if he was going to the dance, but eventually decided not to. If he did ask him, that would make it sound like he wanted to hang out with him — which was true actually. But, he knew his place, and he had already made so much progress by not being with Johnny for months, so why would he revert back to his old ways just for one night of fun?

Mark breathed deeply, switching his phone screen off and laying it on his chest. He stared up at the ceiling as he felt his phone vibrating endlessly from Donghyuck’s flood of messages. This was probably for the best. Donghyuck was right, he needed to enjoy his high school life while he could. But, first things first; he needed the proper attire for the dance.

 

*

 

This was going to be a mess, Mark already knew that. He hardly knew how to dance, socializing with people was weird, and heaven forbid if a girl asked him to dance for some ungodly reason. That’s why his heart was ready to beat out of his chest and his hands were clammy when his mom pulled up to the front of the school to let him out. She made sure to lick her thumb and set the hairs flat on one of Mark’s eyebrows before he got out of the car. When she had left, that’s when he turned to see a shocked Donghyuck, shaking his head in disappointment.

“I almost don’t want to be seen with you after that” Donghyuck whined, running his hand through his admittedly more tidied hair than usual.

“What?” Mark asked innocently.

“God, you don’t even know...your ignorance is cute though, so I’ll let it slide” Donghyuck sighed as Mark cocked his head in confusion. “Just don’t expect anybody to hit on you tonight.”

Mark’s face flushed lightly at the idea which he had been trying to not think about. He honestly wouldn’t know how to react if someone did. Part of him didn’t want it to happen just to avoid the embarrassment all together, but another part of him was kind of anticipating the thought of maybe getting a girlfriend out of this.

He followed Donghyuck into the school, the actual dance being thrown in the gym. Mark momentarily wished that they could have chatted outside of the gym before going in, munching on snacks and sipping on water or punch. But, Donghyuck informed him that Jeno and Jaemin were already on the dance-floor. Plus, that he had no intention to stand and mingle tonight, this was a dance after all, and damn it all if he wasn’t going to dance.

Donghyuck somehow spotted their other two friends amongst the hoard of people and flashing lights. They were off to the side of the gym where the lights were more dim.

“If you two came here to chat, then go out into the reception hall. This is hardly a place to talk” Donghyuck projected his voice with probably a little more volume than needed to be heard over the music.

“We’re going to dance” Jaemin responded defensively.

He had a light blush to him, he must have already been nervous — obviously from Jeno — before Donghyuck even confronted them. Rightfully so, because Jeno looked _very_ handsome. Why he would dress up that well just for going to a dance with his friend was hard to say, but the clearest guess that Mark could make was that Jeno knew that Jaemin kind of liked him. Seeing where the night would take them would be interesting to say the least.

“Then get your asses onto that dance-floor. Jesus, why do I have to start everything around here” Donghyuck pulled the two of them by their wrists into the plethora of gyrating bodies.

Mark followed them like a lost puppy. Honestly, he didn’t want to dance just yet, he had just gotten here after all. But, maybe ripping the band-aid off now would prove to be better in the long run, maybe he could go ahead and get over his shyness of his dancing ability — or lack there of.

As he walked behind Donghyuck who was dragging Jaemin and Jeno, he noticed a familiar tall figure pass beside him. He glanced in the direction out of mild curiosity, his heart thumping once hard in his chest as soon as his eyes landed on the person. There Johnny was seen wearing a black suit with dark red accents to compliment his even darker red dress shirt. He seemed to be walking in slow motion, and Mark only realized that when his perception of time sped back up to reality — watching as the senior handed a drink to a girl sitting along one of the many tables that lined the perimeter of the gym.

She was wearing a long dress of similar color to the red that Johnny was wearing. It was painfully obvious that they had come as a couple, and why Mark felt a little let down about that was a mystery to him. Why should he care if Johnny had a date? Of course he would, after all, he was a funny, smart, and handsome upperclassman. He should be happy for him, but there was this odd empty feeling in his heart. He was probably just jealous that he didn’t have a date of his own. And no — he’s not counting Donghyuck.

“Oh no, that’s gotta sting” Donghyuck remarked when he had at some point come to collect Mark, who had strayed from their group. Mark turned his head towards the younger after recovering from the mild scare.

“Why would it sting?” Mark asked out of nothing more than the sheer act of conversation — and maybe distracting himself from the peculiar pang of pain that he did feel deep in his chest. He really did wonder why he felt this way though. He probably just missed hanging out with Johnny.

“Whatever, I’m sure it’s nothing” Donghyuck waved his hand briefly before taking hold of Mark’s and pulling him further into the crowd of people, and away from the display he had been watching.

Donghyuck led him in the middle of a bundle of classmates, many of whom he didn’t even recognize. Did he go to school with these kids? Well, maybe if he didn’t know them, then maybe they didn’t know him either. So, that made his anxiousness of dancing fade slightly. A few feet away from him he noticed Jeno and Jaemin dancing together also among a crowd of people. They looked like they were having fun, but Mark had to look away when Jaemin busted out one of the latest trendy moves. He only hoped that Jeno was impressed for Jaemin’s sake, but he himself couldn’t stand to watch that mess. For the most part he just stood in the middle of the dance-floor, but then he heard a heavy sigh from Donghyuck.

“Watch me” Donghyuck screamed over the blaring music, much louder now that they had gotten closer to the speakers.

Mark watched his friend intently as Donghyuck showed him his style of dancing. It was smooth, but sharp at times. Mark momentarily remembered the modern dance classes that Donghyuck took on the weekends. He was hesitant, knowing full well that his dancing ability couldn’t compare to Donghyuck’s and the younger would no doubt overshadow him. But, there was something about the way Donghyuck looked like he was having so much fun that bled into Mark.

It started off light, just a subtle head nod to the beat here and there. Then, a tap of his foot along with the nodding. Then, a shimmy of his shoulders. Soon, his hips were swaying to the beat as well, Donghyuck’s increasingly radiant smile edging him on all the more. He didn’t want to look around to see the looks from people around him. He felt like he was doing well enough, and Donghyuck’s proud expression was all the reassurance he needed.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, his mouth and throat had grown parched, and there was a satisfying soreness in his limbs that proved he was having a good time. He told Donghyuck that he was going to the common area to get a drink and Donghyuck said that he would come with him. They turned to leave the dance-floor, but then Donghyuck was being stopped by a smaller boy who Mark didn’t recognize at first.

It was Renjun.

Mark couldn’t tell exactly what he said to Donghyuck, but he did see him mouth the word ‘dance’, and the way Donghyuck’s face flushed an alarming beet red despite the dimness of the room — Mark had a good feeling as to what he had said, and who he was.

He must have been the boy that Donghyuck had been crushing on for a while, and that just threw a complete right hook in Mark's direction. Why in the love of God did all of his friends have the hots for each other?

Donghyuck glanced up quickly to Mark before looking back at Renjun, and then looked to Mark again. Mark smiled softly at him and nodded his head in approval before turning on his heel.

He propped himself up against one of the walls in the much quieter and brighter area of the commons, where he sipped on some cold water and listened to the distant booming of bass in the other room. He soothed his irritated throat with the much needed drink as he let his heart calm from all of the cardio. He silently people watched, admiring the suits and beautiful dresses that people were wearing, and listened to what little conversations passed him. One conversation however, caught his attention the most.

“Oh my GOD, you have him wrapped around your finger!” a girl in a dark purple dress who Mark didn’t know exclaimed, she looked like she was an upperclassman.

“Good, I’ve been trying really hard to lead up to this moment. I would only hope that my efforts would pay off” the girl in the red dress who he saw with Johnny earlier responded.

“At this rate, I think you’re going to get more than what you bargained for. I bet money that he’s gonna smash you tonight” the girl in the purple dress narrowed her eyes knowingly at her friend.

“That’s what I was hoping would happen. That’s why I told my parents that I’m staying at your house tonight” the girl in the red dress announced devilishly, leading her friend to scoff at her boldness that quickly turned into a fit of giggles.

They stepped away out of earshot, and Mark stood there a little baffled. So kids really had sex in high school huh? Mark didn’t have anything against the act, as long as it was consensual and that there was the use of protection, he didn’t see a problem with it. There was one tiny problem though, the fact that an unsettling sickness had coiled itself right down in the pit of his stomach and called that place home at the thought of Johnny doing that with someone. Then, the added discomfort that the idea of it even bothered him so much in the first place. He could only assume that it was just hard for him to see any of his friends in that light, whether it be him, Donghyuck, Jeno, or Jaemin.

He downed the remainder of his drink, crumbling the plastic cup in his hand before tossing it into a trash bin. He made his way back onto the dance-floor, needing the strobing lights, loud hollering, overheated bodies, and blaring music to take his mind off of that fact that Johnny was going to get his dick wet tonight. He spotted Donghyuck almost immediately, his smile practically lighting up the whole room as he looked all starry eyed at Renjun while they were dancing together. He quickly diverted his task, scoping out the area for Jeno or Jaemin instead. He finally saw them along the outside of the dance-floor, near a wall of bleachers. He drew closer, his pace slowing as his eyes came to make out what position they were in.

And...wait.

Oh my God.

Jeno had Jaemin pinned against the bleachers, kissing him feverishly to the rapid beat of the song that was playing. With the way that Jaemin’s hands were clinging to the back of Jeno’s jacket and ruffling his hair, he could only assume that he was on cloud nine. He would rather die than interrupt... _that_. So, he stood in the middle of the room for several seconds, taking in all of the overwhelming events that were happening around him.

He fumbled in his pants pocket, pulling out his phone to see what time it was. It was only 20 more minutes until the dance would be over. He stepped out into the quieter area again, where he called his mom and told her that he was ready to be picked up. He didn’t have to wait long, luckily his house wasn’t actually far from the school at all.

His mom didn’t ask why he decided to leave a little early, not that it really mattered, because Mark would just tell her that it was because he was tired. Which wasn’t a complete lie, because the ache in his muscles had indeed grown more prominent, and his eyelids heavy with fatigue.

“How was the dance?” his mother hummed with a sweet voice, one that Mark appreciated, because the more he sank in the cushion of the seat, the more sleepy he became.

He let his eyelids flutter shut and his head roll back to hit the head rest of the chair. The car was quiet, aside from the low rumble of the engine — a comforting white noise that was lulling Mark to sleep. He thought over the events that had happened throughout the night briefly. Jeno and Jaemin kissing near the bleachers, Donghyuck’s crush and friend asking him to dance, and Johnny was probably getting laid at this very moment. Yet, here he was being choffered home by his mother. No girl even looked in his direction, let alone asked him to dance. Meanwhile, all of his friends were living out their best lives, getting the love interest of their dreams. Mark could only anticipate the time when his would come — if it ever would.

“...It was a night...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was so fun to write! I'm truly a sucker for party scenes uwu
> 
> Don't be shy to give me feedback on the story, whether it be critical or praise. Like telling me a part that you think needs more work, or a part that you really liked. I LOVE your opinions!
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/SoftServeTY)   
>  [my curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/SoftServeTY)


	4. Vodka Isn't the Answer, But It's Worth a Shot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pour up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that it took a while for this update, but April was crazy man.
> 
> With that said, this chapter was A LOT of fun to write, so enjoy!~

Mark hadn’t even opened his eyes and they already felt dry and irritated, but he wasn’t surprised, that’s what staying up until 3AM to study would do to you. He used what shred of energy that he had to pry open his eyes. Even in his dulled, still half-asleep state, he felt like he could feel his pupils constrict when the sun rays bleeding into the room hit them.

He sat up, ignoring how his stiff muscles ached from the cheap material of his mattress that came with his dorm room. He practically rolled out of bed, grabbing the nearest garment of clothing and giving it a small sniff before deciding that it would be suitable to wear. His eyes focused on a mop of brown hair to the left of him on the other side of the room.

“I’m surprised that you even came back at all, you weren’t here when I went to bed at 3AM. I figured that you would have just stayed out” he mumbled, his mouth not quite working correctly yet after just waking up. He realized that he was basically just talking to himself, because his roommate definitely didn’t hear him.

“Donghyuck, get up” he threw a shirt at the younger, a light smack to the back of his head. “You’re out of absences for your Music Theory class” Mark continued when he saw the other finally stir.

“It’ll be alright...” Donghyuck drawled sleepily, not moving from his spot in his bed.

Mark was about to retaliate, but then someone else did for him.

“Donghyuck, you need to get up” an unfamiliar voice muttered.

Mark momentarily thought that he had gone crazy and had started hearing voices, but then Donghyuck finally sat up in bed and on the other side of him, Mark could see none other than Renjun laying in Donghyuck’s bed.

“For fuck’s sake!” Mark hissed. “Please tell me you didn’t do it while right next to me.”

“You’re too loud” Donghyuck prodded his finger in his ear, feigning pain.

“I think that I’m at a perfect volume to tell you that you’re a piece of shit” Mark spat, trying to control his voice so that he didn’t wake up the rest of the floor.

“We didn’t do anything...Jun just needed a place to sleep after the party” Donghyuck rubbed at his eyes before finally opening them.

“Then why are you shirtless?” Mark grumbled warily.

“I spilled my drink on me” Donghyuck answered without hesitation. Renjun sat up from his position laying in the bed, wrapping his arms around Donghyuck’s waist and kissing lightly at his shoulder.

“Why is _he_ shirtless?” Mark quirked a suspicious eyebrow at the both of them.

“He...” Donghyuck began, but then paused suddenly, “...why _are_ you shirtless?” he cocked his head in confusion towards his boyfriend.

“Do I need a reason to want to sleep shirtless with my boyfriend?” Renjun replied honestly, clearly much more grown up than either of the other two boys.

Mark couldn’t think of a decent response to that, and the way Donghyuck was smiling all bashfully and love struck at Renjun was irritating, so he sighed dramatically in place of any words.

With much grumbling on Mark’s side and a lot of ignoring on Donghyuck’s, they both got ready and went to their respected classes for the day. He was on his way to one of the dining halls after class when he was assaulted by someone slinging their arm around his shoulder. He was about to retaliate, but then he recognized the smug grin on the other person as none other than Jaemin.

“Where ya headed?” the younger pulled Mark into a playful headlock.

“To get food” Mark struggled to get out of the other’s hold as he pushed Jaemin off of him.

“We’re going with you” Jeno suddenly appeared on his other side, successfully startling Mark right out of his skin.

“I mean sure, I guess that’s fine...but I’m not paying for any of your food” Mark hissed.

“I’m mildly hurt that you would even assume we would try to do that” Jaemin furrowed his brow and pouted a little.

“Good, it was supposed to hurt.”

Mark watched as Jeno swooped from his left over to the side that Jaemin was on. He took Jaemin’s hand in his and held onto it as they continued to walk. It was interesting to him how normal their relationship had become from the very start. Maybe it was the fact that they practically acted like they were dating to begin with, so when they officially announced it, there was nothing really surprising about it.

Jaemin and Jeno learning that Renjun and Donghyuck were dating though, that was a surprise they hadn’t been expecting. Especially when Donghyuck always managed to crush on the big, thick headed, and worst of all straight douchebags at their school. So, when they all realized that Donghyuck liked Renjun, it was understandable that they were shocked. All of them had started dating around the same time, going on a solid four years, from the end of their freshman year and now into their first year of university.

“You can stop staring at our hands now” Jeno teased once they all sat down with their food in the dining hall, uncoiling his fingers from Jaemin’s.

“I wasn’t staring, I just happened to be looking there while I was thinking” Mark tutted.

“You really need to find yourself a girlfriend...I can’t believe you’ve been single all your life. I don’t wanna say it’s sad, but...” Jaemin trailed off.

“Then don’t say it” Mark glared at the younger while he shoved a spoonful into his mouth.

“You know-” Jaemin began, and Mark already could tell by the lilt in his voice and the tilt of his head that he was about to say something stupid, “-there’s going to be this party tomorrow night that Jeno and I know about.”

“Oh? And how do you know about it?” Mark questioned, half amused but only because Jaemin and Jeno weren’t really the type to party much on the weekends.

“Donghyuck told us.”

“Well in that case I’m definitely not going” he concluded as he sipped unbothered at his drink.

“And why is that?” Jaemin asked almost as if he was personally hurt by Mark’s words.

“If Donghyuck has anything to do with it, then no good will come out of it.”

Mark tried not to react to the way Jeno choked on his food as the younger tried to stifle his laugh, but it was even harder not to react to the betrayed look on Jaemin’s face that was directed towards Jeno. These two partners in crime weren’t very good at their job.

“Okay, so you don’t want to go to the party, but you really don’t have a good reason to. I know the only parties you’ve ever been to were the ones hosted by our high school, but these kinds of parties are totally different!” Jaemin exclaimed.

“Oh, so you’ve been?” Mark quirked a suspicious eyebrow at them.

“We’ve dabbled” Jeno spoke up, a smugly proud grin creeping onto his face.

“Seriously, there’s great music, alcohol, no teachers to yell at you, and of course most importantly hot people.”

“That doesn’t sound very tempting” Mark mumbled with his cheeks full.

“Jesus, you’re hard to persuade” Jaemin groaned. “Listen, this is a party that Donghyuck, Renjun, Jeno and I are all going to. So, if you want to finally go to one and are worried about not knowing anybody or not having a good time, this is a great opportunity.”

“We of course can’t make you go, but I personally really think that you need to get out there more and make other friends” Jeno chimed in with a more serious expression.

“Oh, so you’re trying to get rid of me, is that it?” Mark teased.

“Maybe if you keep being such a Debbie Downer” Jaemin retorted.

Mark was slightly offended, because he hadn’t exactly expected either of them to actually answer that or to be so blunt about it. He alternated from chewing the inside of his cheek and taking sips of his drink, contemplating the whole idea.

“Alright, maybe I’ll go, maybe I won’t. I dunno, I’ll think more on it later. But also don’t get your hopes up, because the likelihood of me staying up late to watch Netflix is very likely.”

“If you had a girlfriend, you could be doing something else instead of watching Netflix on a Friday night” Jaemin managed to mutter before Jeno nudged him with his shoulder.

 

*

 

The next day rolled around in the blink of an eye, and Mark currently hated himself for deciding last minute to go to the damn party. In his rushed mind, he had thought it would be fine to show up in a white button up shirt, but everyone else was literally just in t-shirts. Sure, a white button up could look casual on someone who was fashion savvy, but Mark was far from that and kind of just looked like his mom had dropped him off for a school band performance.

He held in the low groan of agony in his chest, physically feeling his heart lift back up once he saw familiar faces. He stumbled his way past way too many bodies for this house to contain, momentarily wondering who the hell in their right mind would let a bunch of college students party in their house.

“Thought you weren’t going to make it” Jaemin shot a bright smile at him.

“Thought it might be nice to surprise you for once” Mark tried to sound cool, but honestly even he was surprised that he was here.

“Well, consider me shocked” Jaemin teased.

“Oh my god” Mark heard off to his right. “What are you doing here?” Donghyuck appeared beside him with Renjun close behind.

“Jaemin and Jeno told me about the party” Mark answered shortly.

“Okay...but why are you _here_ ” Donghyuck reiterated.

“Jaemin told me that I need to make new friends” Mark was honest.

“Why would you say that?” Donghyuck feigned hurt towards the other under fire.

“You’re the one who told me to invite him, because you said that there was no way he would listen to you” Jaemin snapped playfully, grinning all the more when he saw Mark’s head turn towards Donghyuck in betrayal.

“I...did say that, didn’t I?” Donghyuck rubbed sheepishly at the back of his neck.

Their minor bickering was interrupted by a sudden build of cheering, all of their heads following the source of the commotion. On the opposite end of the living room, some guy was chugging way too large of a cup of what Mark could only assume was alcohol.

“Who’s that?” Mark couldn’t help the way he stuck his nose up at the display.

“Jaehyun, he’s the one who threw the party” they all watched as said man turned to peck another man beside him on the lips, “...and that’s his boyfriend, Taeyong” Donghyuck mumbled. “This is Jaehyun’s place I think...well him and some roommates I assume, because I saw a few bedrooms.”

“I see...” Mark tried not to judge the other too hard, turning his head back to his friends.

“Don’t be so harsh on them, they’re nice...they just like to have a good time” Donghyuck laughed awkwardly, his claim not exactly settling well with all of them when an excited shriek of “let’s get fucking wasted!” emitted from Jaehyun across the room.

“I want what he’s having...” Jaemin mumbled under his breath.

“Liver problems” Jeno replied wittily.

“What are you drinking anyway?” Mark had his attention turned towards the younger now that he brought it up.

“Just a beer” Jaemin answered nonchalantly, “You should have something. You need to loosen up.”

“I’m loose” Mark wriggled his limbs a little for unnecessary emphasis.

“Says the 19 year old everything virgin...you’re definitely not loose, sweetheart” Donghyuck placed a sympathetic hand atop Mark’s shoulder. “We can help you through this” his concerned, puppy eyes kind of made Mark want to gauge them out.

“Anyone who wants to play spin the bottle, follow me upstairs!” one of the party goers announced as they trudged through the plethora of bodies with cases of beer in their hands.

The way that all three of the other boys collectively looked at Mark after hearing that was alarming, and he momentarily contemplated turning on his heel and hightailing it out of there. Nobody even said anything, all of them making a number of silent cues, such as raising their eyebrows, cocking their head towards the commotion, or pouting their lips.

“No” Mark said sternly.

“You’re no fun” Donghyuck huffed.

“What if we all go with you?” Renjun chimed in.

The way Donghyuck immediately turned towards Renjun to whisper “it’s a drinking game. I don’t know if you’ll want to play” was cute. Mark couldn’t help but to have noticed that Renjun was the only one out of them who had a soda instead of some form of alcohol. So, he was left only to assume that Renjun didn’t like to drink, and seeing Donghyuck so naturally look out for him was weird to witness his annoying friend be so domestic.

“It’ll be alright, I can play without drinking” Renjun assured the other quietly, smiling when Donghyuck rubbed his arm soothingly.

Mark had opened his mouth to retaliate, but as he watched Donghyuck and Renjun, maybe he _did_ want to meet some people tonight. Maybe make some friends, or even better, maybe a girlfriend. Because he would be lying if he said he didn’t want what his friends had.

“Okay...” Mark muttered as he straightened his posture.

“What?” Jeno blinked in disbelief.

“Let’s go play” Mark found courage out of honestly he’s not quite sure where, he just realized that his legs started guiding him to follow that guy who had announced the game.

He heard low murmurs behind him and the rustling of feet, a sure sign that his friends were following him. At least, he hoped they were, because he was running on a sudden adrenaline boost that was making his ego soar, and he feared looking back would only make it crash and burn.

He walked with his hands in his jean pockets into the room that many of the other students had followed the weird guy, attempting to look laid back. But, once he realized that there were actually a lot of people in the room, the confidence high that he was riding plummeted. He suddenly realized the number of complications that he had just put himself in. This was a room filled with attractive people, both women and men of whom he stood no chance against, he didn’t even know what game they were playing, he didn’t know any of these people and he was sure that he was going to have to talk to them, and the biggest problem of all was that he was underage to drink. He turned around to talk to his friends, to ask if they actually thought this was a good idea, because he needed someone to talk him out or into this, whichever one.

“I don’t know about this-” he whispered under his breath, “-what do you guys thi-”

When he turned around, the door had been shut behind him and his friends were not there.

Typical.

He momentarily panicked, which seemed like an eternity in his mind. He swallowed thickly as he stared at the door, too dumbstruck to move or to reach for the handle and leave.

“Ahem” someone cleared their throat from further within the room, pulling Mark out of his disbelief to finally pay attention to what was happening. “You’ll make twelve of us total, come on in” the unfamiliar face said as he waved his hand for Mark to come over.

Mark tried the best he could to ignore the whispers and snickering between a small group of girls in the room, obviously evaluating his choice of wardrobe. He held his breath as he strided into the room and sat in the middle of the floor with the rest of them, trying to will his rising heart rate from making his face flush.

“Alright, so!” the man from earlier exclaimed excitedly, “We’re going to play Never Have I Ever.”

There was a loud unanimous groan of mostly everyone in the room.

“BUT! There’s a twist!” he continued, easing everyone’s frustrations just enough to hear him out. “It’s gonna be like reverse. I’m going to say something that I HAVE done before, and if you HAVEN’T done it, then you drink. I wanna know who out of you are the biggest freaks. Gimme your craziest, dirtiest secrets” his tone was sly.

“Let’s start! We drink until we pass out, my friends” he saluted before continuing with the game. “Alright, never have I ever had sex in a public area” he grinned smugly while crossing his middle and index finger.

Mark was still trying to catch up with the rules of the games, stunned as some of the crowd poured drinks for themselves and others laughed and briefly told their stories. Next thing he knew, he was having a shot glass shoved into his hand.

“Drink up, you look too innocent” the boy next to him examined him from head to toe.

Mark took the glass with a wary hand, sniffing the drink before attempting to drink it. It didn’t smell like anything, and it looked like water, so maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. He didn’t have much time to internally battle with himself on the matter if he should drink underage or not, because everyone was waiting for him before they could continue. He threw his head back and downed the liquid. His eyes stung and his throat burned as it went down his throat. He coughed embarrassingly, his face contorted into a mix of pain and disgust.

“W-what is that?” Mark huffed between coughs.

“Straight vodka” the man beside him informed shortly before it was now his turn.

“Never have I ever been restrained” he wiggled his eyebrows coyly.

“What do you mean, Ten? I think you need to elaborate” another man in the circle chimed with a shit eating grin on his face.

“I think you know exactly what I mean, Lucas” the boy next to him narrowed his eyes menacingly at the other.

Mark was still trying to catch up when he was being handed another shot. He didn’t take as long to take this one, but it still tasted as bad as the first and his stomach felt a little queasy.

“Um...” Mark trailed off once he realized that it was his turn. “Never have I ever cheated on a test.”

The silence and blank stares in the room were beyond awkward and Mark was really starting to regret being here. Nobody took a shot and it was at that moment when he realized that without a doubt, he was definitely the most boring one in the group.

“Oh honey...you’re going to be hammered before we even get one round around the circle” the man who was apparently named Ten mumbled to him.

Sure enough, Mark started feeling dizzy and light headed at his fourth shot. He was somewhere around nine when he couldn’t see clearly anymore and felt himself swaying while just sitting. His pride made him stick around for the last few to make it through the whole round, but he wasn’t sure about when he had laid onto his back, more or less just listening to everyone play rather than participating himself.

The ceiling was spinning and the loud chattering of everyone felt like pots and pans banging against his brain. He willed his shaky limbs to roll over and heave himself up, walking with alarmingly unsteady legs towards the door.

“Did you come here with friends?” someone spoke up behind him, and he’s not sure who, but he thinks it was Ten.

He nodded his head as an answer, his lips and mouth suddenly feeling so heavy, and like his tongue might have been numb.

“Good, go find them. They should get you some water or something, and you need to call it a night. Alright?”

Mark nodded his head again that he understood, at least he thinks he understood. But, honestly finding three boys in this packed house sounded like way too much work than he was capable of doing right now. Especially considering that his legs felt like jelly and were threatening to give out with every step that he took.

Not to mention, why was he so damn sleepy? Everything was warm and he felt like his head was a good three feet above his shoulders. He stumbled through the halls, tumbling against a door and leaning against it for support. The door wasn’t quite all the way shut though, so it ended up creeping open with his weight against it.

He held himself up against the door frame once he realized that the door had abandoned him. It took him a moment for his eyes to focus in the dark room, but he could vaguely make out a bed from the light seeping in from the hallway. The way that his body positively buzzed with excitement when he saw the bed was an experience that he had only felt when midterms had rolled around and he had only gotten fourteen hours of sleep in a whole week.

Honestly, laying down on that bed sounded a million times better than going through the trouble of finding his friends. So, that’s how he found himself dragging his feet across the room and plopping onto the bed. It was big, and so _so_ soft, and absolutely the best feeling in the world.

There he laid for maybe a total of one minute before he drifted off, the loud booming of bass shaking the floor beneath him and mixed chattering of people in the distance. He couldn’t be bothered by any of it though, because he had a bed now and that’s all that mattered.

He wasn’t sure how long he had been asleep, but he woke up much sooner than he had expected, because when he opened his eyes it was still dark in the room and he still heard the ongoing party. His very drunk body had hardly registered the hands on his body, only realizing that there was another person in the room with him when he heard them speak.

It was some girl he didn’t know, muttering slurred words and the name of some guy Mark didn’t know either. Everything was taking so long to process and Mark couldn’t understand what was going on, but he was apparently being stripped of his shirt. The only reason he knew that was because his body was so hot, and the cool air against his torso felt nice. Maybe wearing the button up had payed off, because it was much easier to get off than pulling a t-shirt up and over his head.

Mark didn’t really care about the whole thing, until the girl decided to straddle him. She was heavy and he just wanted to sleep for fucks sake, and her wandering hands along his torso were keeping him from just that.

He groaned in annoyance, trying to roll over to get away from her, but she was too heavy, or he was too weak in this state, he wasn’t sure which. She teased him playfully, pouting about how he didn’t want to do it and that she had been looking for him all night. But, she still had his name wrong. Whoever this girl wanted wasn’t in this room, and it sure as hell wasn’t Mark.

She continued, slurring that he always played hard to get and even Mark could tell that she was equally as drunk as him. He was mostly just annoyed with the whole situation, but then she scooted down from her position on his lap so that she could then try to take off Mark’s pants. Lucky for him, she was struggling to get the button undone. He tried shoving her hands away, but she was persistent, and maybe she wasn’t as drunk as him, because next thing he knew his pants were gone.

She then took off her own shirt and tossed it onto the floor beside the bed before settling back down to lean over Mark in just her bra and jeans. She peppered kisses along Mark’s now exposed chest and while Mark thought this might be nice some other time, he was honestly just way too tired to be doing this. Not to mention he didn’t even know who she was. Also, her body against his was just way too hot and he wanted nothing more than to have her off of him.

As if a miracle sent by God, the door swung open and light filtered into the room from the hallway.

“What the fuck are you doing in my room?” the voice was calm, but stern, and very _very_ annoyed.

“Ah shit” the girl grumbled before leaning up off of Mark.

“My room isn’t a love hotel, get the hell out” he ordered, maneuvering to hold the door open all gentleman like. “Go find somewhere else to bang” he continued as the girl walked across the room to the door.

“Don’t forget your ugly ass shirt” he crumbled up her shirt in his fist before throwing it out the door at her, promptly shutting the door in her face before she could yell at him.

“You too Casanova. Out” he pulled Mark by his arm to sit up.

It wasn’t much use though, because Mark promptly flopped back down ungracefully. A small whine reverberated in his throat, rolling onto his side to ignore this guy’s booming voice.

“What the hell...” the guy whispered in a mix of disbelief and irritation. “Fine...fucking _fine_ ” he groaned to himself.

He shoved Mark onto one side of the bed, and then shortly later he felt the bed dip beside him.

 

*

 

Mark’s head hurt when he woke up and his mouth uncomfortably dry. The sunlight creeping through the curtains was way too bright and hurt his eyes even through his eyelids, only making his headache worse. He rolled over to face away from the sun, startled when he unexpectedly felt something touch his forehead. He opened his eyes, only to be met with someone's bare back.

Mark lurched back, craning his neck so that his head was no longer touching the stranger. The sudden jolt must have woken up the other person though, because he soon heard mumbling and felt them stirring.

Last night was a total blur to Mark after the drinking game, and he had no idea why he was in bed with someone who was shirtless. Or, why HE himself was in just his underwear.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck-” Mark uttered to himself as he tried to shimmy out of the bed without fully waking the other person up. All he wanted to do was get dressed and dip.

Of course nothing was going to go accordingly for him though, because it was right when he stood up that the other person sat up in bed and looked at him.

Oh.

Wait...

“Mark?”

“Johnny?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been four years since Johnny and Mark have seen each other...how do you think they will react to each other?  
> Be sure to comment below what you thought of the chapter and what you think will happen!  
> \- Lilly
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/SoftServeTY)   
>  [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/SoftServeTY)


	5. Third Time's A Charm?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to NCT Dream's Don't Need Your Love, which really helped me pump out this chapter lol

What...the literal hell was going on?

Mark stood there speechless, as if frozen in time with his jaw agape and eyes wide. His worries about his lack of clothes temporarily forgotten while his brain tried its best to process what was in front of him. What was Johnny doing here? What were the odds that he would meet him again under such circumstances after years of never seeing or speaking to each other? Fate had a funny way of making Mark’s life a living hell — one that was determined to make him die from embarrassment. Only when Johnny started talking to him again did time seem to continue.

“It’s...been a while”

“Yeah” Mark agreed breathlessly, “It has.”

“I hardly recognized you man, you look so different. I mean, you dyed your hair” Johnny’s eyes searched Mark up and down, and it was at this time when Mark really wished he knew where his clothes were.

He also hardly thought about the fact that he had dyed his hair anymore. It was something that he had done essentially right when the school year had started. Donghyuck said that his dark, natural hair didn’t make him stand out, and that he needed to lighten it to draw attention. So, here he was a month later with bleached blonde hair. And news flash, bleaching his hair didn’t work. He was still just as invisible as always.

“I like it, it’s cute” Johnny continued after Mark showed no signs in responding, an unsure but genuine smile creeping onto his face. And God, that smile...Mark wasn’t sure if it was from the effect of not seeing Johnny in years, or from just waking up, but it made his heart skip a beat. An unwanted feeling, because it was way too early and Mark was way too hungover to be wanting to feel _anything_ at the moment.

“I’m gonna need you to not say that when I’m in just my underwear” Mark retorted playfully, scouring the floor until his eyes thankfully landed on his clothes — which had been cast aside on Johnny’s side of the bed. And that’s when it dawned on him...what exactly happened last night anyway?

He froze from bending over to pick up his clothes. Why was he nearly naked? Why was he in Johnny’s supposed bed? Why was Johnny half naked as well? And for the love of Christ, where were his friends? He swallowed thickly, finishing his act of picking up his clothes.

“Um...do you care to inform me of what happened last night?” he refused to make eye contact with Johnny when he stood back up, stepping to a more distant area of the bedroom to put his clothes back on. It was petty, because really what was the point? But, this interaction was so awkward and Mark just felt the need to further himself from the other.

“We fucked” Johnny answered shortly.

“Excuse me?” Mark stumbled as he was putting his pants on, almost falling on his face in the process.

“You don’t remember?” Johnny’s expression twisted into a morph of confusion and pain. “You seemed really into it...I thought that we had a connection.”

Mark’s mind was running a mile a minute and it borderline hurt. His heart was starting to pound, his palms grew sweaty and his skin clammy. He couldn’t have — he couldn’t have thrown away his virginity like that on a whim, with a _man_ at that. It didn’t make sense.

“I’m kidding! Don’t look so serious” Johnny chuckled, waving an apologetic hand once he noticed Mark’s unamused attitude.

“This isn’t funny” Mark hissed, suddenly challenging the elder. “Don’t even joke about that.”

“Oh please” Johnny scoffed, “if you’re so worried about it, all that happened was that I walked in on you and some girl both piss drunk on my bed about to smash. I didn’t take you for the type to do it in someone else’s room, but I guess that’s a thing. Anyways, I chased the girl out, but you ended up passing out on me before I could kick you out. And I didn’t recognize you because of your hair, the dim lights, and I may have also been a little intoxicated.”

“There was that so hard? That’s all you needed to say in the first place” Mark grumbled with his brows furrowed in annoyance.

“I was just playing around, I don’t understand why you’re so upset about this. Just trying to lighten the mood...I mean we haven’t seen each other in years. I just wanted to be friendly, for old times sake”

“We’re not _friends_ ” Mark spat, growing increasingly bothered with Johnny’s lack of respect for his known beliefs. “If we were friends, you would remember my views on sexuality. Besides, we’ve spent far longer away from each other than together. We’re strangers” Mark concluded, buttoning up the last of his shirt.

Johnny appeared stunned at that, his defiant side fading back a bit, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you. I just wanted to have a good laugh with you after so long” his brows pinched together and his eyes seemed to grow twice their size, visibly feeling guilt. The puppy dog eyes did a good job at making Mark feel like an asshole, but the very fact that they had that kind of affect on him just made him even angrier. He stepped with purpose across the room, pulling the door open and not looking behind him when he shut it.

This was ridiculous. This was the last time he was going to let his friends talk him into going to a party. Nothing good ever came out of them. Maybe he was being a bit harsh, but Johnny knew his situation, knew his beliefs yet he thought it appropriate to make a joke like that. It’s not that he had a problem with gay people, it’s just that he knew his parents would never approve of him being gay, and God would never forgive. It was a scary thought, one that he didn’t even want spoken into existence. That’s why when Johnny told him that they had sex, Mark felt his world crumbling around him, felt himself slipping closer to hell. That’s why he was mad at Johnny, because if he was his friend, he wouldn’t have said something like that — they were strangers now.

Mark shuffled down the stairs, vaguely remembering the layout of the house through the fog that was the state of his brain. He turned a corner and noticed someone in the kitchen with his back turned towards him...shirtless. Mark tried to scurry away, but his clambering down the stairs in his rushed state must have caught the other’s attention.

“Ah, hello!” the other said when he laid eyes on Mark. “Do you want some breakfast? I’m making french toast right now.”

His smile was soft, and his eyes were so round and positively sparkling. He was so pretty, what with his light brown hair that seemed to have yet to be brushed, and his pajama bottoms that hung a little too loose around his slim waist. Wait...he looked familiar. Then, another figure walked into the room. Mark remembered this guy, he was the one causing a commotion last night, who Donghyuck said lived in this house; Jaehyun.

“Good morning, Yongie” Jaehyun mumbled sleepily as he wrapped one of his arms around the other’s waist, pulling him into his side and kissing the side of his head. Ah, that’s right! Donghyuck said his name was Taeyong. “French toast? Can I have some?” Jaehyun cocked his head in a cute, questioning way.

“You’ll have to wait your turn” Taeyong grinned at Jaehyun, returning a gentle kiss to his lips. “Do you want any?” he turned his attention to Mark again, asking once more. “You can have this one that’s almost done.”

Mark instinctively was ready to turn down the offer, ready to get out of here and go back to his normal life. Preferably to go sleep in the comfort of his own bed that didn’t have a long lost Johnny in it. But, then he realized that he hadn’t even eaten dinner last night, becoming ever more apparent by a low rumbling in his stomach.

“...Sure...thank you” Mark answered finally, stepping further into the kitchen when Taeyong gestured for him to take a seat.

Mark was ready to whip out his phone and ask his friends where the hell they were, why they abandoned him last night, and if they knew what happened after he got shitfaced. But, then Jaehyun started initiating conversation with him.

“You’re like a freshman or something right? Did you get too drunk to go home last night?” he chuckled, and Mark felt the heat creeping into his face from the mild embarrassment. “Don’t worry, I get it. It’s fairly common here. What’s your name?”

“Mark”

“Mark? Now why does that sound familiar?” the skin between his brows pinched together lightly in thought. “Eh, whatever. It was probably nothing” he eventually shrugged his shoulders, too early to think too deeply about it. “I’m Jaehyun, and this is Taeyong.”

Mark felt his blood run cold. Yeah sure, there was absolutely the possibility that there were other Marks on their campus, but he couldn’t rule out the fact that Johnny and Jaehyun were roommates. Had Johnny at some point told Jaehyun about him? And God...what could he have possibly said? Either way, he didn’t want to linger on the subject anymore either.

“So you two live here?” he opted in making small talk rather than sitting in awkward silence.

“I do, Taeyong doesn’t technically live here, but he might as well be with how much he’s over here. I’m going to have to make you start paying rent” Jaehyun teased the other, earning him a small hip bump from Taeyong. “But yeah, I do and my friend Johnny. He’s around here somewhere I guess.”

Mark used all of his strength to act like he was uninterested at the mention of Johnny. Didn’t want either of these two guys to know that they knew each other, because he didn’t exactly have any intention in knowing Johnny anymore. Best to just cut things off now, he had done it before after all. He internally thanked the heavens when Taeyong placed a plate of the french toast in front of him — both for the excuse to drop the subject, and he was _definitely_ hungry now. Just one bite into the food and he already felt like all was aligning correctly in the universe again — if only it could get rid of his hangover too.

“Why are you by yourself? Where are your friends?” Taeyong asked curiously as he turned his back and began making more food for Jaehyun who was at this point latching onto him like a begging puppy.

“That’s what I would like to know” Mark huffed an annoyed laugh. “It seems like they ditched me for the night, without any care for my well-being” he pursed his lips as he chewed his food. “I didn’t even get a message that they left...” he mumbled under his breath, his moping becoming ever more prominent.

“Sounds like you need new friends” Jaehyun chimed in playfully, dislodging himself from Taeyong’s side to pour some drinks for everyone.

“That’s what I’ve been telling myself for years, still working on that one” Mark rolled his eyes, shoving a forkful of toast into his mouth.

“We can be your friends” Taeyong announced excitedly, a high pitched lilt to his voice that Mark would be lying if he said he didn’t think the elder was the cutest man he had ever met.

Mark lunged forward a bit, halting his instinctual reaction from choking on his food or spitting it out, mostly just to stare wide eyed up at the other two. “Really?” and he regretted it as soon as it came out, because it just sounded so pitiful.

“Yeah, why not?” Jaehyun agreed after taking a sip out of his glass, setting it down on the counter to grab his phone. “What’s your number?”

Mark blinked in awe, his jaw hung agape at this point. He shook his head once he realized that he needed to do _something_ for God’s sake, reaching into his pocket and pulling out his phone as well. They exchanged numbers and it was all going too smoothly aside from Jaehyun and Taeyong mocking him for having an android — until he realized a missed message from Donghyuck. He read it to himself while Jaehyun and Taeyong chatted among themselves.

**_From Lucifer:_ **

_So you found your long lost beau huh? Now you know why I was so adamant on making Jeno and Jaemin persuade you to agree to come. You should catch up with him, it’s a Saturday after all so it’s not like you have anything else to do ;)_

Mark had to physically restrain himself from scoffing at the text, but he couldn’t help the way he gripped his phone. He needed to go, he needed to talk to Donghyuck. Like how did he know that Johnny was here? And how long had he known?

“Sorry, I have to go” Mark said abruptly, scooting his chair back and making it scrape along the floor.

“So soon?” Taeyong cocked his head in fret, possibly able to see the anxiousness in Mark’s mannerisms.

“Yeah, I have some errands to run” Mark lied through gritted teeth. Well, it wasn’t entirely a lie, the only errand that needed tending to was seeking out Donghyuck and chewing him alive.

He turned on his heel and started heading out of the kitchen, and then he heard it, but it was too late. Bigfoot was coming down the stairs.

“Taeyong is still here isn’t he?” Johnny grinned as he rounded the corner. “I can tell because something smells good, and there’s no way that it’s Jaehyun’s doing.”

As if the devil himself had made his presence known, Johnny bumped into Mark on his way into the kitchen and Mark on his way out. Mark stumbled backwards, shaken by the force of Johnny’s unnaturally large body. And God when Johnny reached out to steady him with both hands, that was the final straw. He hung his head low, scurrying past the elder and out of the room without a word, not looking back until he was out the door.

He slowed his pace only after he was a comfortable five minute walk away from the house, huffing and gasping for the much needed air. His heart was thumping sporadically in his chest, the pulse strong enough that he could feel it in his fingertips and taste blood in the bottom of his throat. It was an uncomfortable feeling, leaning over with his hands on his knees to catch his breath. What was the most uncomfortable though, was that his heart had not started beating that hard from the sprint, but from running into Johnny.

 

*

 

“Care to tell me just what exactly is going on?” Mark said menacingly as he threw the door to his dorm room open.

Donghyuck attempted to refrain from choking on his bowl of some kind of instant concoction, startled by Mark’s abrupt presence. He sat up properly in his bed, doubling over with a hand over his mouth as he coughed up the inhaled food stuck in his trachea.

“Are you trying to kill me?!” Donghyuck spat between coughs and gasping for air, his eyes glassy from the tears welling in them.

“Maybe if you don’t start giving me answers” Mark replied unbothered by his choking friend across the room, shutting the door behind him. “How did you know about Johnny? How long have you known? Why would you think it was a good idea for us to meet up?”

“Oh my God, shut up for a second” Donghyuck interrupted Mark’s flurry of questions, still trying to compose himself before having anymore thrown at him. “I figured out about Johnny through Taeyong just like two weeks ago, because he’s in the same dance club as me. The hell are you so mad about? I thought that you would be really happy to see Johnny again after literal _years_.”

“What makes you think that I would want to see him?”

“Well why wouldn’t you?” Donghyuck threw his hands up exaggeratedly, placed on either side of his head in a questioning manner. “You never told me the details about your friendship, you just told me that you two stopped hanging out because you were both too busy. That hardly seems grounds to be acting the way you are right now, like you hate his guts or something” it was annoying how Donghyuck was always able to read Mark like an open book. “I should be the one asking _you_ what’s going on.”

Mark held his tongue, didn’t want to slip up and tell Donghyuck the reason why he and Johnny had stopped being friends. Because if Donghyuck knew that he was — is still — letting his parents run his life, then he would never let him hear the end of it.  “He’s just an asshole, that’s all” Mark mumbled, a huge contrast from their shouting moments ago.

Donghyuck narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him, “Well since it seems that you don’t want to give me the full story, then this conversation is over. I told you what I know, and if you won’t tell me what you know then you shouldn’t be mad at me when I was just trying to do you a favor.”

Mark didn’t know what to say, he wanted to go on, but he didn’t know how to do that without telling Donghyuck his reasons or without sounding like a spoiled brat.

“I don’t particularly care if you become friends with Johnny again or not, just don’t get mad at me when I was only doing something nice for you.”

“You’re right...I’m sorry” Mark finally said with his whole chest, pulling an acknowledging nod of approval from the younger.

And that was that. Neither of them spoke of Johnny again.

 

*

 

It was a few days later when Mark and Donghyuck found themselves both laid on their backs in their beds after class. They were sprawled out, trying any means necessary to cool down from the surface of the sun that they called their dorm room.

“This is ridiculous...” Donghyuck growled as he fanned himself with a stack of what Mark assumed was his homework. “What the hell is wrong with this school? Not giving the units air conditioners. My brain is already fried enough from the amount of credits that I’m taking, why add roasting me alive to that?”

Mark didn’t feel the need to really reply, settling on a low hum — maybe even a groan — of agreement.

“It’s September, why is it still this hot? Shouldn’t things be dying by now from the cold?” he hissed, tossing and turning about his bed in attempt to get comfortable.

“I think you’re jumping the gun a little there. September is usually still a pretty warm month” Mark reasoned annoyingly.

“Listen, I don’t want your smart ass to correct me, just let me complain damn it” the younger squinted his eyes at him, a small gesture that told Mark that maybe he should shut up.

The room was relatively quiet save for the humming of their one shared oscillating fan, and the chattering of passing students walking about campus through their window.

“...The pool...” Donghyuck mumbled under his breath, not audible enough for Mark to make out what he said.

“What?”

“The pool!” Donghyuck sat up suddenly, his energy returning from just those two words.

Mark was about to ask what the hell he was going on about, brow already furrowed and lips pursed, but then he realized what he meant. “Oh yeah!” Mark exclaimed, the memory of having a public, indoor pool on campus coming back to him.

“What are you waiting for?” Donghyuck asked as he sprinted across the room to his dresser, where he started rummaging haphazardly through it, more than likely searching for his swim trunks.

Mark complied without a second thought, practically stepping on Donghyuck’s heels as they walked out the door, eager to feel the cool water surrounding his skin. With their swimming shorts in tow, they headed for the sports centered building that had the indoor pool in it. Donghyuck hardly waited for Mark to even finish changing before he was out the door of the locker room, making a beeline for the chlorine oasis. They played about in the water, their roughhousing becoming a bit too much from time to time for the female lifeguard’s liking who was on watch.

Donghyuck was in the middle of dunking Mark’s head underwater when he heard his phone go off where he had left it atop his towel in one of the vacant chairs. He hoisted himself out of the water, not even bothering with going to find a ladder. Mark rested his arms on top of the porcelain tile, and his chin against his arms while he watched Donghyuck, waiting for him to return. But, he had a sneaking suspicion that he wouldn’t once he saw the younger’s face light up from the message he had received.

“Is it from Renjun?” Mark asked curiously, almost positive on the matter, but he still asked anyway.

“Yeah...” and there it was again, that dopey, lovesick smile that Donghyuck got now and then when Renjun was involved. There was something oddly calming about observing someone who was just oozing with love, like he could feel the warmth radiating off of him. “He wants to know if I want to get together; have dinner and a movie night in his dorm room.”

“Ah, Netflix and chill?” Mark teased the younger, making him sputter an assortment of ways to deny his assumption. All of which were unnecessary, because Mark didn’t really care, as long as Donghyuck was happy. “You should go, it’s obvious that you want to.”

“M’kay” Donghyuck typed his reply to Renjun before turning the screen of his phone off. “You should head out soon too, you know, before you get all pruney” he remarked casually as he walked away, patting himself dry with his towel.

Mark debated on countering him with a witty comeback, but he opted to just wave his hand in acknowledgment. He hung off of the side of the pool for a while, glancing around the room once more to figure out if he wanted to stay a little longer or not. The pool had been fairly empty when they had arrived, but now there was just a handful of people, and even the lifeguard was nowhere to be seen.

He let out a lengthy sigh, pulling himself out of the pool the same way that Donghyuck had earlier. He made his way for the towel that he had laid out prior to getting into the water, not particularly paying any mind to the way he was taking his steps. Donghyuck had tracked a considerable amount of water along the tile, making the already slick surface considerably more dangerous. And that’s how Mark found himself slipping backwards.

His adrenaline kicked in, seeming to slow time as he braced himself for impact. But, he never came in contact with the hard flooring, and he was beginning to wonder how time itself had stopped. Here he was staring up at the ceiling, floating in the air, defying gravity and fate which had been craving to crack his skull against the tile. But then, something dawned on him, he wasn’t floating, because someone’s warm arms were wrapped tightly around him. He turned his head enough to his side to see who had saved him, and of course, how could he expect anyone else? It was Johnny.

“My God, it’s like you need to carry a caution sign around or something. Not to warn people of you being a hazard to them, but to warn them that you’re a hazard to yourself” Johnny groaned, but he still — as always — had that playful tone in his voice that made Mark want to crack a grin, that lifted his heart even just the slightest.

“We _have_ to stop meeting like this” Mark grumbled under his breath, thankful, but still immensely embarrassed nonetheless.

“Stop trying to get yourself killed and then maybe I’ll stop looking out for you” Johnny retorted defiantly.

“...You can let go of me now too” Mark couldn’t help the way he ducked his head, tearing his gaze away from Johnny’s. The elder complied, untangling his limbs from the smaller and straightening him upright. “Still a lifeguard I see” he noted the small whistle tied to a string wrapped around Johnny’s neck.

“Hardly” Johnny shook his head, accompanied with an airy chuckle. “I was just about to start my shift for the day, kind of silly really though, not like a bunch of university students need or _want_ a lifeguard. I just do this when I’m not in class or at work.”

“Work? You have a job?” Mark questioned before really thinking about what he was saying.

“Of course I do. How else am I supposed to pay for rent or buy groceries?” Johnny gave a smart aleck reply, but it was a reasonable answer.

“Ah...yeah, that’s understandable” Mark eventually agreed. And Jesus, could he get anymore awkward? Why was it that he seemed to lose all skill in holding a conversation only when it came to talking to Johnny?

“...I’m sorry by the way...for a few days ago” Johnny’s voice and expression shifted to be more serious. A side of him that Mark had rarely seen, even when they were friends. “I shouldn’t have joked about something like that, it was disrespectful. I just got too excited with meeting you again that I didn’t think about your feelings before saying that” he maintained eye contact with Mark as he apologized to him, needing him to feel the sincerity of his words. “I just wanted to make you laugh again...” he smiled softly, but there was an edge of pain hidden behind that smile. A look that told Mark that he missed him. And how Johnny’s expression managed to cut Mark deeper than his words was a mystery to him. Johnny’s hurt face just made Mark want to forgive him immediately, because for some reason, it hurt him just as much to see Johnny so sad like this.

“...It’s alright...I’m sorry too” Mark muttered, but he wasn’t as strong as Johnny, because he couldn’t look him in the eye while he apologized, a little ashamed of the way he had acted during their fight. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that, I know you didn’t mean to make me uncomfortable.”

An off putting air of silence loomed over them, with both parties just standing awkwardly in front of each other without saying anything.

“This feels weird” Johnny grinned sheepishly, raising his hand to scratch at the back of his head “I feel like I don’t know how to talk to you after being apart for over three years.”

“Likewise” Mark huffed an uncomfortable laugh.

“I still can’t believe you dyed your hair. Do your parents know?” Johnny started talking about anything, trying desperately to get the ball rolling again, because Mark sure as hell wasn’t able to.

“Of course not” Mark scoffed, almost offended that Johnny would even consider that. “You know that they would hate it, because it isn’t natural. They’ll think that I’m just rebelling from them.”

“Well, I like it...it’s cute” he cocked his head in possibly an even cuter way than how Mark looked with blonde hair.

“You know...hardly any man in the world would want to be called ‘cute’” he muttered, lips pursed as he pouted with every syllable.

“Well that’s a bold assumption of you, because I would love to have someone call me cute” Johnny declared proudly, turning around to grab the towel that Mark had nearly lost his life over, and handed it to him to dry off. “What about me? You haven’t seen me in a long time too, did I get cuter?”

“Oh my God, you’re still just as annoying as ever” Mark groaned, wiping his face off with the plush towel.

“Answer the question Lee” Johnny had a way of being playful and stern mixed all in one.

“You didn’t get cuter” Mark finally said, earning him a whine from the elder. Followed by a drop of his jaw, amazed with how mean Mark could be. Before Mark could even really think over his words, his mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. He should have been alarmed with how easily, “You got more handsome” slipped off of his tongue.

Johnny was momentarily stunned, staring blankly at the younger, but then a wide, toothy grin spread across his face. “What’s with that pout? Are you upset that I ‘got more handsome’?” he parroted as he reached out his hand to ruffle Mark’s wet hair.

“Yeah, I am. It’s not fair that you get to be so handsome and I’m lucky to just get the word ‘cute’ thrown at me” Mark tutted, tossing the used towel down onto his chair once he was done with it.

“Now where did you get that idea in your head? I said that your hair is cute, not you” Johnny corrected with a shit eating grin.

“Oh, well that makes me feel a lot better” Mark rolled his eyes at him, playing off the fact that he truly was a little let down.

“You’re not cute anymore, you’ve really grown up a lot too” Johnny finally said with a fond smile. “I mean just look at that jawline, and those cheekbones. What happened to those chubby cheeks of yours?” he groped at Mark’s face with one of his hands, tossing his head this way and that way to get a good look at him before pinching his cheek.

“Okay, now you’re beginning to sound too much like a doting father” Mark grumbled, shoving Johnny’s hand off of his face.

The air around them had gradually grown more comfortable, a feeling that Mark liked, one that he had missed. Even their silence was a little less awkward now. That was something that Mark had always admired about the elder, how he could make everyone feel welcomed in such a short amount of time.

“What a handsome man you’ve grown up to be.”

Why that rendered Mark speechless was a mystery to him. It should have been easy, a simple thanks, or even playing it off with some quick witted retort, but he couldn’t do either. Completely and utterly frozen in time by Johnny. That time that had passed so quickly when they were apart, had seemed to stop in this very moment.

“So...” Johnny eventually pulled Mark out of his head-space, “I don’t know about you, but I would really like it if we could remain friends.”

Maybe it was the softness of his voice, or maybe it was the way Johnny was looking at him, but it was making it extremely hard for Mark to even think about turning him down. He knew that he would be disobeying his parents, that they would be disappointed with him, angry even. But that didn’t really matter, because they weren’t here right now, and Johnny was.

“Yeah, I’d like that too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ignore me being all soft over Mark and Johnny making up.  
> So Mark and Johnny are friends again, what could possibly go wrong? Leave a comment on what you think will happen next!
> 
> [my twitter](https://twitter.com/SoftServeTY)   
>  [my curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/SoftServeTY)


	6. Fool Me Once, Shame on You. Fool Me Twice, Shame on Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another party that Mark shouldn't go to. But instead, this time it's Johnny who asks Mark to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter gets a bit more serious than the previous chapters, so I'm warning now that there are mentions of date rape and drugs in this chapter :( Nothing super bad happens though

“Have you lost your mind?” Mark hissed around a mouthful of food.

Johnny rested his hand against his forehead, pretending to be shielding the non existent sun from his eyes as he scoured the expanse of the cafeteria. “I don’t think so” he played along, cocking his head for added ignorance.

“Well look harder, maybe you’ll find my patience while you’re at it” Mark grumbled as he went back to eating, but clearly not as pleased about it as before.

“What do you have against parties so much anyway?” Johnny crossed his arms in front of him, leaning back in his seat to take in the full image of Mark in front of him.

“I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I find jerks like you at them” Mark retorted, his eyes narrowing more and more the longer the topic persisted.

“Now that’s just rude, you know that _I_ was the one that found _you_ ” Johnny narrowed his eyes in a mildly threatening way, all bark but no bite. “Besides, I’m not mean” he had a very good way at getting to Mark’s soft spot, sulking with his honey eyes and big pouty lips. It was admirable really, to see someone as big as him act so small — something that Mark couldn’t deny was cute. “For real though,” his tone dropped back down to be serious, one that Mark didn’t usually hear in Johnny’s voice given his playful nature, “I want you to come. I know that parties aren’t really your thing, but I think that you’d have a lot of fun if you let yourself unwind. And don’t worry, I won’t leave you alone like your friends did before, so nothing bad can happen.”

Johnny was sinfully skilled in the art of persuasion, or maybe Mark was just easily susceptible to his words, it was hard to tell. Believe it or not, he hadn’t been to another party since the one he had met Johnny at again, which had been a hefty two months ago now that they were nearing the end of November. He had reasonably not gone to anymore that his friends invited him to for obvious reasons, doing an impressive job at staying true to his decision on not attending anymore parties.

But, for some reason, here he was walking up to the doorstep of some person’s house he didn’t even know, practically stepping on Johnny’s heels because he was so close behind him. He could already hear and feel the bass booming in the house, making his heart beat in stutters — an unsettling feeling that was making his nerves go haywire.

He dropped most of his pride, gripping the hem of Johnny’s shirt before the elder could open the door. “Do we have to do this?” he croaked out, hardly audible enough for Johnny to hear him over the music. Despite that fact, Johnny still turned around to gently lift Mark’s hand from his shirt.

“I get that you’re nervous, but trust me, it’ll be fun. And I’ll be with you the whole time, so don’t worry” he smiled reassuringly, the sight of his sincere promise visible in his expression further setting Mark’s worries at ease.

With that, Johnny opened the door and it was like the barrier to hell had broken. The music blasted right into their faces and Mark could see the flashing multicolored lights strobing from the doorway. Johnny led him through the house, everywhere from empty corridors to the living room that was serving as the common dance floor. Johnny took one look at Mark again before turning around to continue walking out of the living room. They wound up in the slightly secluded kitchen, far enough away from the living room to give Mark’s poor ears a break.

“Pick your poison” Johnny chimed, gesturing towards the assortment of hard liquors decorating the counter top.

He couldn’t help but notice the way Mark scrunched his nose at the sight of a seemingly familiar vodka bottle. So, he started rummaging through the refrigerator of a stranger’s house. Not exactly respectable, but Mark wasn’t going to bring that up because anything would be better than what he had already been presented.

“Try this” Johnny said as he tossed him a glass bottle, nearly sending Mark into cardiac arrest before he thanked the heavens that his reaction time was decent enough to catch the bottle. He looked at the label, reading that it was grape flavored soju. “Go ahead, take a swig.”

Mark cracked open the lid, giving the liquid a cautious sniff before sipping it. “It tastes like grape juice” he exclaimed excitedly, maybe a little too excited given the fact that he sounded like a little kid.

“Exactly” Johnny cracked a knowing grin, pleased in his decision. “Be careful though, because that makes it dangerous. You’ll be drunk in no time if you down a couple of those. Probably one knowing you” he mumbled the last sentence so that only his own ears heard it.

He watched fondly while he made his drink — gin and coke to be exact — noticing the way Mark was downing the drink. “Okay, now you’re making me want to try some because of the way you’re acting like it’s so delicious. I haven’t had this in forever” Johnny sighed, reaching his hand out and waiting for Mark to pass him the bottle.

Mark handed him the bottle, gazing up at Johnny in mild curiosity. The elder quirked a teasing brow at him while he took a sip of the soju. Mark knew how Johnny was, knew how he liked to maintain eye contact with people to make them nervous, but he wouldn’t let Johnny have his way this time. So, Mark held his ground, staring back at Johnny in hopes that it would ruffle his feathers. That plan soon backfired though when Johnny shot him with a wink. Then, he lowered the bottle from his mouth, but not before licking a stray drop from the rim unceremoniously.

“Okaaaaaay” Mark laughed nervously, practically yanking the bottle back from Johnny’s hand and avoiding his lingering eye contact at all costs. Because _God_ why was Johnny still looking at him like that?

“Yup, grape juice” Johnny declared, picking up his drink from the counter and walking off.

Mark swiped his hand over the lip of his drink, scrunching his nose at the film of saliva left over by Johnny before following the other out of the room. They rounded a corner that seemed to be serving as a sort of game room where more people were standing and talking rather than dancing. But then, Mark heard his and Johnny’s names being called in the distance. When he followed the voice, he saw Jaehyun waving them down, beckoning them over. He was stationed in front of a table with an array of cups lined up neatly atop it. Mark could only assume this was the infamous beer pong that he had seen in movies.

“Wanna join?” he asked, bouncing a ping pong ball lightly, but oddly intimidatingly against the top of the table. “We need two people to play against” he pointed his thumb to someone who was apparently behind him. How Mark didn’t see the practical giant standing behind him was a mystery to him, he was tall enough to even challenge Johnny. But wait...he looked familiar.

“Yeah, we’ll play” Johnny stepped in the direction of the table.

“Oh, so you’ll play with them, but you don’t want to play with us?” someone said off to their side. Mark remembered this person, surprisingly. It was Ten, and he had Taeyong standing beside him.

“Playing against you two would hardly be a competition, we know you’re both lightweights. After just like two cups we’d have this game in the bag” the other guy beside Jaehyun spoke up.

“Do you know them?” Mark mumbled under his breath, leaning in the slightest to Johnny so that only he could hear him.

“Yeah, we’re all friends. You know Taeyong and Jaehyun of course, but there’s also Ten and Lucas.”

 _Lucas_. That’s right! He was also there that night during never have I ever.

“They’re dating too, Ten and Lucas” Johnny pursed his lips. If Mark didn’t know any better, he’d say that Johnny was pouting. But, maybe Mark didn’t know after all. “Why are all of my friends dating but I’m still single?” he grumbled.

Mark couldn’t help but to feel the same, with him it was Donghyuck, Renjun, Jeno, and Jaemin. With Johnny, it was Jaehyun, Taeyong, Ten, and Lucas. Then, the question at hand lingered on Mark’s brain. He briefly remembered the girl in the same grade as Johnny who he had gone to the dance with in high school, wondering where she was and what happened to _them_. At the same time, he found himself also trying to change the topic in his own mind. Why did he not want to think about the subject anymore?

“You’re not dating anyone?” Mark asked under his breath. It came out unannounced, even Mark himself wondered where the words came from.

Johnny glanced to him out of the corner of his eye, halting his act of taking a sip of his drink. The other two couples were bickering on the other side of the table, serving as background noise mixed with the music. “I haven’t dated anyone for a long time” he admitted, setting his cup down and keeping his eyes trained on it.

“Why not?” Mark didn’t know why his mouth was moving when he clearly wasn’t giving it permission. Maybe it was alcohol kicking in, making his jaw slack and letting the words pour out easily.

He noticed the way Johnny twitched, turning his head towards him slowly and cracking a grin. “Seems that I’m pretty good at making people upset with me, to the point where they stay away from me” there was a sharp edge to his voice, one that almost made him sound... _angry_. Mark didn’t understand, well he could understand people wanting to keep their distance from Johnny, because he was admittedly annoying. But, why did Johnny sound angry? For Johnny to be so upset about it, he must have lost a lot of people, meaning by default that he must have dated a lot of people.

“If that’s how you’re going to be, then we’ll just have to show you what we can do” Taeyong huffed, suddenly beside Mark and Johnny with Ten close behind him. Mark didn’t even have time to continue being in his own world, being thrown back into the open by Ten and Taeyong’s fierce attitudes.

“Okay, but now the teams are uneven. One of you has to come over here” Jaehyun motioned for someone to come to them. He sighed in defeat when he was only met with a confused Johnny and Mark, and heated Taeyong and Ten.

“We’ll play” an actual unfamiliar voice said as they approached the table. Mark didn’t know this person or the other along with him, and given his best guess based off of everyone else’s expressions, they didn’t know them either.

“Alright” Jaehyun shrugged his shoulders, “Welcome to the team” he and Lucas high fived the two new members.

With Johnny explaining the very minimal rules to Mark, the game started. Maybe it was the urge to show what they could do, but Taeyong and Ten thoroughly schooled Jaehyun and Lucas, reducing the two to drunken fumbling messes in no time. Johnny was pretty evenly matched with the stranger that he kept being pitted against, with the both of them getting nicely buzzed. Mark on the other hand was in such a sad state, having downed most of the beers on his team’s side and only scoring one lucky goal against his opponent.

The taste of beer had never been pleasant to him, and especially not now when he was having to chug it. He felt himself slowing, refraining from the urge to throw up when he tried to swallow the liquid too quickly. He felt his stomach churn as he watched another ping pong ball land in the cup in front of him, and he couldn’t help the wretch that followed after it.

“Are you okay, Mark?” he felt Johnny’s hands pawing at him, trying to pull him back up right. But, Mark didn’t want to stand up because even the thought of looking at the cups of beer was making him dry heave.

“Beer’s so fuckin’ gross” he grumbled, trying to stop the shaking of his unsteady limbs.

Then, someone else was by his side. “I’ll get you another one of these, I’m sure they taste better” the guy he had been playing against said as he picked up Mark’s long empty soju bottle. The game went on with the other members playing, and Johnny rubbing soothing circles into Mark’s back when it wasn’t his turn. He returned with Mark’s drink in hand and Mark felt a little guilty about thanking the heavens when he could finally get the foul taste of beer out of his mouth.

The game continued, but instead of chugging the beers, Mark took shots of his grape soju whenever the other guy landed a ping pong ball in his cup. Mark was already pretty far gone before he even had the second bottle of soju, but that second bottle hit him hard and fast. In no time he couldn’t even stand on his own and was relying on Johnny for support. With Johnny getting fairly drunk himself, it was growing increasingly hard to hold Mark up. So, when Mark slid out of his grip and onto the floor it didn’t really come as a surprise to anybody.

“Okay, I think it’s time for you to sit out the rest of the game” Johnny said as he grabbed at Mark’s wrists, his mind focusing in on how the two teams were neck and neck, and he was _so_ ready to win. He and Jaehyun may or may not have made a bet on whoever lost would have to do the dishes for the remainder of the semester.

He expected Mark to make the task of pulling him back up a little easier, to meet him halfway. But, he didn’t. In fact, Mark didn’t move. Johnny stood there stunned for a second before trying to get Mark to his feet again.

“Oh no, he’s passed out” one of the guys they had been playing with said as he drew closer. “I’ll take him somewhere he can lay down” Mark’s opponent bent down in attempt to lug Mark over his shoulder.

“Wait a second, I’ll do it” Johnny made him stop by pressing a firm hand against his shoulder. He told Mark that he wasn’t going to leave him alone tonight, and he intended to keep that promise.

“No, it’s okay. I was the one who got him so hammered...I feel bad for it, so this is the least I can do” he insisted, gently removing Johnny’s hand from him.

Johnny _almost_ complied, the alcohol taking effect and making him easily go along with decent proposal. But then, something about the way Mark looked didn’t sit right with him. A sheen of sweat was forming all over Mark’s skin, and he was shivering.

“...What’d you do?” Johnny slurred slowly, menacingly almost.

“What are you talking about” the other guy blinked in confusion at Johnny, cocking his head to the side for further emphasis.

Johnny rose to his feet, grabbing Mark’s bottle of soju. He inspected it, but he couldn’t see anything off about it and it didn’t smell odd. He narrowed his eyes back to the guy kneeling on the floor beside Mark. He glanced to Jaehyun, Lucas, Ten, and Taeyong, who all looked equally as confused as he was.

“I think your friend is just a lightweight” he reasoned, raising his hands in a way to show he meant no harm. “Let me get him out of the way before he starts drawing attention. I don’t think that people will like to see a passed out guy laying on the floor” he lowered his hands slowly, putting them on Mark.

Something snapped in Johnny, and before he knew it he grabbed the guy by the neck of his shirt in a tight fist, shoving him against the nearest wall and pinning him there.

“The fuck’s your problem?!” he yelled, trying to shove Johnny’s hands off of him, but that only made Johnny press him harder into the wall.

“Check his pockets, Jae” Johnny ordered while he restricted the guy’s hands.

Jaehyun looked reluctant to be accusing this guy, but his fondness for Johnny and his friends was stronger than his sense of morality. He rummaged through his pockets, coming up with nothing. But, then he got to his last pocket, and Jaehyun’s head cocked the slightest at the feeling of something brush against his fingertips. He pulled out a small clear bag with the tiniest amount of powder inside. Unknown to them, but it was GHB; an unfortunately common date rape drug. Known for its effects to render its victim immobile, along with sweating, exhaustion, hallucinations, and amnesia. This guy was the worst of the worst.

“Son of a bitch” Johnny exasperated, making Ten and Taeyong look up from their position comforting Mark.

In all honesty, Johnny didn’t want to be right, because that would have made this a lot less difficult. Why was it difficult you ask? Well, it would be nice if he could just bash this guy’s face in, telling the police that he tried to assault his friend. But, it was kind of hard to do that when Mark was underage and shouldn’t be here in the first place. So, if he hurt this guy, then he could rat them out too. A faint whine from Mark caught all of their attention, where he could be seen trying to move. Which was more so him just rolling his head around. Johnny clicked his tongue and sighed as he looked at the display.

“You guys decide what to do with him, I’m taking Mark home” he waited until Jaehyun had a firm grip on the guy until he let go to gather Mark.

His skin was clammy and was visibly uncomfortable given the way he was tossing and turning, whining lowly in the back of his throat. Johnny felt so bad, he had told Mark that he would have fun, but this was far from that. He wouldn’t be surprised if he really did never go to another party after this, he wouldn’t blame him. He scooped Mark up, setting him onto his back with help from Ten and Taeyong. With that, he left the house with a nearly passed out Mark clinging to his back.

He regretted not having driven to the house, but it was close enough to campus that it didn’t seem like a problem at all to walk. But, it was a problem now when Johnny was hauling another person’s body, and his own muscles were significantly weakened from the alcohol in his system.

“Hyung?” Mark suddenly mumbled into his ear.

“Yeah?” Johnny said breathlessly, startled from Mark’s voice and the formalities that Mark didn’t usually use with him.

“Did we win?” he asked softly.

It was cute, innocent in the way that Mark didn’t understand what was going on, but it was sad. If this was a game, they had clearly lost. Though, despite the circumstances, Johnny wasn’t about to rain on Mark’s parade. Not when he was holding onto Johnny for support and his voice was so small.

“Yeah, we won” Johnny lied through his teeth, putting on a happy tone to lay Mark’s worries to rest.

“That’s good” Mark hummed cheerfully, his chest vibrating against Johnny's back and tightening his grip around Johnny.

It was that very shift in Mark’s position that made Johnny notice something. There was something...hard pressing into his back. There was another effect of GHB; increased sex drive.

“Fuck” Johnny hissed under his breath, not loud enough for Mark to notice. His stomach flipped with an odd mixture of rage and disgust towards the guy who had sought Mark out. He wondered when he had made Mark his target, during the game, or was it before they even started? He needed to stop thinking about it, his main priority right now was to get Mark somewhere safe.

He couldn’t take Mark back to his dorm room, because he’s almost positive that Mark was too far gone to remember the code to get into his room. And he vaguely remembered Mark mentioning to him that Donghyuk was going to be out with Renjun for the night, so he wouldn’t be in the dorm. With that, his next best option was to take him back to his and Jaehyun’s place.

He got back to his place, heaving a sigh of relief when they were finally away from anyone who could take advantage of Mark when he was in such a state, and that they had managed to avoid the attention of any on campus officers. Johnny didn’t really know the treatments for these kind of drugs, but he what he could, which included making Mark drink some water and eat something in hopes to make it leave his system faster.

He thought about making Mark sleep in the living room, because he wasn’t sure how Mark would take to them sleeping in the same bed given his nature to get bothered over such things, which Johnny has clearly learned. But, his anxiousness for Mark’s well-being was stronger than his want to please Mark. They could fight about this later, but he’d honestly rather have Mark throw up in his bed or something than to have him wander out the front door in the middle of the night, or try to go up the stairs to the second floor, only to fall down them.

He handed Mark one of his old hoodies, a cute pastel blue that he didn’t wear much anymore because he had for the most part outgrown it. When Mark cracked open an eye at the garment of clothing from where he lay on top of Johnny’s bed, that’s when he realized that Mark probably couldn’t change his clothes himself. Johnny took in a shaky, slightly annoyed breath before exhaling it slowly. He didn’t know what babysitting was like, but he guessed maybe this was close to it.

He made Mark take off his shirt because it smelled like booze and sweat, but he wasn’t going to mess with his pants for...obvious reasons. So, he just left Mark in his boxers and his new oversized hoodie. He managed to get Mark under the covers and messaged Jaehyun that they made it back to their place before setting his phone on the bedside table and turning off the light.

It was relatively quiet and Johnny was almost positive that Mark had passed out again, but then he felt the younger stir. Johnny didn’t move a muscle, overly aware of the stutters in Mark’s breathing and the restlessness of his movements. Only when Mark let out an unsatisfied whine did Johnny finally do something.

“If I take you to the bathroom, you can take care of it” Johnny muttered without rolling over to look at Mark.

He wasn’t given a response though, just another airy whine from the younger. This was beyond awkward and there was a part of him that hoped that Mark really couldn’t remember this in the morning, because he himself sure as hell wished that he could forget it. Mark showed no sign in answering him or attempting to move, so Johnny pressed further.

“I don’t think that it’s good to hold it in…” he clenched his jaw, treading that fine line of being a decent friend, but also wanting to stick his head in the sand like an ostrich and act like nothing was happening. Similar to that myth though, he couldn’t hide from his problems and he couldn’t ignore them.

“...I can’t...” Mark finally said, quieter than Johnny had been anticipating.

“I can help you, I’ll uh...hold you up or something” Johnny was so unsure about the situation, to the point that his offer sounded more like a question.

He was expecting a simple yes or no, since that’s all that was necessary for an answer. But, Mark didn’t say either of those things.

“Hyung-” he called with a bit more desperation, and Johnny was really beginning to wonder why Mark chose to use formalities with him when he was...like this. “-I _can’t_ ” he repeated, harsher this time.

Johnny didn’t know why, but something compelled him to roll over and look at Mark, and upon seeing the younger, he wished that he hadn’t. His face was flushed red, his chest heaving up and down with quiet pants, and a clear tent pitched underneath his boxers. But, his arms laid limp against the bed.

“I can’t move” Mark stated the obvious.

Oh...so that’s what he meant.

Johnny was rendered speechless, chewing the inside of his cheek while he thought about what to do. In all honesty, he didn’t like any of his options and was really just hoping that he could wake up from this nightmare.

“...It hurts...” Mark continued pathetically, sounding and looking so small in front of him.

Johnny could see the damp spot seeping through his boxers and he felt his heart clench for the younger. He didn’t want to imagine what that felt like; being impossibly hard and not being able to do anything about it. _Damn it_.

Johnny breathed out heavily before moving over to straddle Mark. He hooked a finger under the waistband of Mark’s underwear before ridding him of the soiled garment and tossing them onto the floor. He tried not to look, tried to give Mark as much privacy as he could in this situation, but he couldn’t help the way his eyes were drawn to the red and leaking member. He looked away immediately, feeling as if he had been burned and got on with the task at hand. He reached across the bed for his stash of lube that was hidden inside his bedside table and squeezed a dollop into his hand. He glanced up at Mark before continuing, almost getting lost in his big doe eyes that were looking up at him in a mix of confusion and want.

“I’m sorry...” he murmured, tucking his head over Mark’s shoulder so that he wouldn’t have to look at him.

Mark’s hips bucked from the overwhelming chill when Johnny’s lubed hand finally made contact with his fevered member. Making Johnny whisper another, “sorry” into his shoulder. Mark let out a shaky breath through his nose, adjusting to the feeling that Johnny was giving him. Johnny kept telling himself to not think about it, to just imagine that he was doing it to himself. But, it was kind of hard to do that when Mark was moaning sweetly into his ear. Johnny had never wished deafness upon himself, but this was one of those moments.

How could this have happened? All he wanted was to have a night out with his friend, yet here he was at the end of the night masturbating that friend. The guilt was starting to set in, until he heard another faint, “Hyung” come from Mark.

Johnny made a noise — a hum really — to show that he was listening. “Close” Mark moaned breathlessly. Johnny didn’t know how Mark pleased himself, but he knew what made himself feel good, so he tried that on Mark. He used the one hand that had already been working to continue moving up and down his shaft, while he used his other hand to twist the head of Mark’s cock.

Mark’s back arched, a choked moan getting swallowed by another moan when Johnny rubbed circles with his thumb into the underside of Mark’s tip. With a few more strokes, Mark was coming onto his stomach — well rather onto Johnny’s hoodie instead of his bare skin. Johnny was momentarily saddened, looking at the display of his poor, dirtied hoodie. But it’s not like he was going to wear it anymore anyway, so it could be Mark’s now.

Only when he heard rhythmic breaths did Johnny remember that Mark was there and he stopped moping over his clothes. Mark was apparently fast asleep, his chest rising and falling with steady breaths and his lips parted just the slightest to let those breaths pass. He looked...cute...with his blushed cheeks, pastel blue hoodie, ruffled hair, and _no_. Johnny needed to stop.

He looked down at the sticky mess left over on his hands, an unsettling mix of lube and come. And that’s when the guilt really set in. Not because of what was on his hands, but what was behind his shorts. “Fucking hell” Johnny hissed, staring at the clear bulge in his pants in disbelief.

He had...gotten hard because of Mark? No, no, it was normal to get turned on from hearing someone else's moans, that had to be it. It was normal to get turned on by seeing someone feel good. It was normal to get turned on by making someone feel good. It was normal to... _damn it_.

Johnny let his eyelids flutter shut, coming to terms mentally with what just happened before opening them slowly. He didn’t make a sound, climbing off of Mark carefully as to not wake him up. Then, he took his walk of shame to the bathroom, taking care of his own deed himself. After he cleaned himself up and washed his hands, he made his way back to the bedroom where Mark was still fast asleep, looking more relaxed than he had all night.

He crawled back into bed, keeping as much distance from Mark as possible and checked his phone for the time. He noticed an unread message from Jaehyun, stating that he was glad that they were back home and okay. It was almost laughable, because Johnny was far from okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave it to me to not be able to write a light hearted fic, I always need to add drama and angst somehow lol I'm sorry.
> 
> Also yes, Mark's "Okaaaaaay" is absolutely based off of when he says it all the time irl lmao.
> 
>  
> 
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	7. Nothing Burns like the Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are we still friends?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a roller coaster, good LORD  
> Prepare for all the feelings

Mark woke up in a panic, feeling an overwhelming and gut wrenching knot crawling its way up from his stomach to his esophagus. He flung the covers off of him, but his knees weren’t quite working right, so they buckled when they hit the floor — and ultimately so did he. He clamped a hand over his mouth, forcing the foul substance to stay down until he preferably found a trashcan or bathroom. He pushed his way back up on wobbly legs, internally cursing his limbs that didn’t seem to want to obey him. Why was he feeling so shitty this morning? It was different from the usual grogginess he felt after just waking up. His body felt like jelly, flopping about pitifully as he shuffled into the bathroom.

He let himself fall to his knees, his face hovering over the toilet for approximately one second before all of his sins came back up to haunt him. He retched, barely having enough time between intervals to catch his breath. He hadn’t even been able to hear someone else enter the room — the sound of his gagging too loud and bouncing off of the walls — until a warm hand was placed between his shoulder blades. It rubbed gently up and down his back, while another swept the hair out of his eyes. Tears clung to his lashes and his rib-cage hurt from his violent heaves.

“This is why I don’t like going to parties” he said in-between gasps for air, spitting out the bitter taste of bile and whatever else he had consumed last night that lingered on his tongue.

When Johnny felt that Mark had rid himself of practically everything in his stomach, he briskly left the bathroom, only to return with crumbled sweatpants in his hand. Mark almost let his head rest on the rim of the toilet seat as he glanced up to Johnny with a perplexed look, but he at least had enough sense to refrain from doing so. He took the pants from Johnny’s hand despite not knowing why, it’s not like he had gotten any vomit on himself, at least he didn’t think so. He tilted his head down to check.

Oh.

“Why’m I naked?” he whined, too out of it to note that he wasn’t entirely naked — he at least had some hoodie that he didn’t recognize. His words were slurred and Johnny couldn’t tell if it was from just waking up, still being drunk, or if the drug was still in his system.

“You...don’t remember what happened last night?” Johnny asked slowly, answered with just as slow of a head shake from Mark.

He bit the inside of his cheek in contemplation and shifted his eyes upwards to the ceiling as Mark fumbled to get his legs into the pants. He let out a deep sigh from his nose before he continued.

“I need you to listen to me calmly, okay?” Johnny instructed, his tone gentle as to not make Mark worry. But, even in Mark’s dazed state, he knew that nothing good could come from Johnny’s warning, and that made his skin prick with anxiousness. “So we started playing beer pong with Jaehyun, Lucas, Ten, and Taeyong. But, some other guys joined as well, and at some point, one of them slipped a drug into your drink without any of us noticing. It like paralyzed you sort of and I don’t know the password to your dorm, so I brought you back to my place.”

To Johnny’s relief, it appeared that Mark was actually following what he was saying...and he wasn’t actually upset about it.

“Oh...” Mark’s brow was knit in thought, taking in Johnny’s words one by one and letting them sink in.

Johnny supposed that he  _ could  _ end it there, but his morals begged to differ, and they sought to have the whole truth come out, whether that be in Johnny’s favor or not.

“That’s not it though...whatever they gave you didn’t just paralyze you, it also...turned you on” he paused before continuing, trying to read Mark’s expression, but panic was beginning to set in, because how does one calmly tell their friend that they jacked them off? “You were laying in agony for a long time, whining to me about your...problem...and I felt really bad for getting you in that mess in the first place, so I um...helped?” Johnny’s tone lilted into that of a question, because could his act even be classified as help?

“You what?” Mark uttered in pure bemusement, appearing oddly intimidating for someone who had just finally managed to get their pants on. He blinked rapidly up at Johnny, almost as if he was trying to decipher if this was reality or some hallucination.

“I jerked you off” Johnny confessed with more strength than he had expected, honestly feeling very guilty from the intense stare that Mark was giving him.

Mark didn’t say anything for a long time, or at least what seemed like a long time in Johnny’s mind considering that it was running a mile a minute. “I have to go” he finally mumbled, scrambling to his feet.

In his haste, and probably also due to not having full control of his limbs yet, he slipped on the slick linoleum floor. Johnny reached out to steady him, but Mark smacked his hands away.

“Don’t touch me!” he hissed, trying to shuffle past Johnny’s body and out of his cramped bathroom that wasn’t meant for two people.

“I don’t think that that’s a good idea. At least let me take you to your dorm” Johnny tried to reason, worried about how Mark was going to get home in his state when he was still struggling to walk properly.

“No” Mark replied curtly as he did a quick sweep around Johnny’s room, looking for his own clothes rather than Johnny’s that he was wearing. “Why would I let someone who violated me while I was drugged take me anywhere?” he huffed mockingly as if the situation was funny, losing his want to collect his clothes the closer Johnny grew near to him. They were a lost cause, he just needed to get away from Johnny.

He staggered downstairs, clinging to the railing like his life depended on it, and it honestly did because he wouldn’t be surprised if he fell face first down the stairs. It was an odd feeling, not having complete control of his legs, but it was scary more than anything else.

“I know it looks bad, but I was just trying to help” Johnny’s voice was soft and smooth as he tried to ease Mark’s worries, following close behind him should Mark actually end up stumbling.

Mark was having none of it, making a beeline for the door. He fished out his phone from his pocket, counting his blessings when he saw that it still had a little bit of battery. He swung open the door and thanked himself for deciding to have Donghyuck on speed dial. He didn’t even bother to shut the door behind him, needing to get Donghyuck on the line as soon as possible should Johnny actually mean to harm him. Only when he heard Donghyuck’s raspy “hello?” from the other side of the line did Mark find the courage to turn around.

Johnny was in the doorway, watching as Mark stepped across his lawn with long strides. “You’re no better than the guy who drugged me” Mark grumbled under his breath, giving Johnny undoubtedly the most sinister look he had ever seen on the younger. He was honestly surprised that he had managed to hear Mark’s sharp words, and even Donghyuck screeching “what?!” through the phone speaker. But, he wished he hadn’t heard them.

 

*

 

The first week dragged on and on. Johnny knew that he shouldn’t let this fight between them dictate his life and that school should be his priority at the moment, but he couldn’t help the way he stared at his phone screen in class, etching the display of unanswered texts into his brain.

Another two weeks drifted by, and Johnny never thought that he would be glad to have finals, but at least they kept his mind off of Mark. His heart jumped every time his phone vibrated recently, secretly hoping that it was Mark. This time was no different, he was sitting in class when he saw his screen light up on the table out of the corner of his eye. His heart sank as soon as it had rose when he realized that it was a message from Jaehyun, asking Johnny if he could meet him at the library to help him (force him) to study for his finals. Johnny could easily stay motivated to study in the comfort of his bed, but Jaehyun liked to keep his schooling and down time separate from each other. That’s why he reserved the library as his place to do work.

Johnny sighed, typing out a quick response that he would be there after class before shoving his phone into his pocket. His class ended and as promised, he made his way to the on campus library. He internally cursed himself for agreeing to meet up, because the library was on the complete opposite end of campus, and now that they were a week into December, there was a chill in the air that was enough to be uncomfortable.

He silently grumbled to himself, watching clouds form in front of his face every time the exhales of his nose mixed with the winter air as he walked with purpose. Halfway through his trek, something caught his eye. Maybe it was the new addition of pastel pink and blue streaks of hair that made him stand out, or maybe it was just by luck, but Johnny noticed Donghyuck walking up to one of the buildings.

He quickened his pace, hurrying once he realized that the younger was already entering the passcode to get into the building. He called out the other’s name to get his attention, leading to a momentarily startled Donghyuck, who then turned defensive.

“What do you want?” the younger narrowed his eyes at him judgingly.

“Is Mark in there?” Johnny asked before he had time to think over his words, hoping that they didn’t come off as creepy.

“That’s none of  _ your  _ business” he straightened his posture, standing in front of the door as if he was guarding it, and by default guarding Mark.

That admittedly did hurt a little — a lot maybe — but Johnny knew that Donghyuck had a point. It wasn’t exactly his place to be seeking out someone who was obviously trying to avoid him.

“Look, I get that Mark’s mad at me and you’re clearly mad too. But, can you just tell Mark to respond to my messages? I’m tired of him always ignoring me as if I don’t exist. He’s already put me through three and a half years of that before. All I’m asking is that if he can’t forgive me, can he at least tell me up front that he doesn’t want to be friends anymore? I don’t want to be left in the dark anymore.”

Donghyuck’s stance softened, slightly moved by Johnny’s mature approach when he had been expecting for the elder to demand to see Mark. “Alright...I’ll relay your message” he eventually said.

“Thanks” Johnny gave him a small, grateful smile. As much as he could muster up given his circumstances.

“But don’t come crying to me if he still doesn’t respond. That’s not my problem” the younger added.

Johnny simply offered a nervous huff of a laugh before turning on his heel to finish his walk to the library, his phone practically burning through his pocket with texts from Jaehyun.

Donghyuck waited until Johnny was a fair distance away before he slipped inside the building. He marched his way up to the third floor, his hatred for the fact that their dorm building didn’t have an elevator ever present. He wandered down the hall until he got to his shared room with Mark, labeled with their names on the door. It had been a mandatory thing by their floor RA so that other students could know each other’s names in sort of a bonding experience. It was dumb, but that didn’t stop Donghyuck from decorating his name with sunflowers and other summery images, while Mark left his blank.

He snickered at the display before opening the door slowly and peeking his head in. Lately, Mark had formed a habit of taking a nap after his classes were done for the day, which Donghyuck supposed was okay, but it started not being fine when Mark would sleep through dinner. So, Donghyuck had unwillingly become the designated mom to wake Mark up and remind him to eat. It was only a little after four, so if Mark was asleep, Donghyuck didn’t want to wake him yet. Not out of the goodness of his heart, but because last time he did that, Mark was a sourpuss about it for the remainder of the evening and Donghyuck swore his ears were going to fall off from Mark’s whining.

To his surprise though, Mark wasn’t actually asleep for once. He was laying on his bed, his blankets askew across his body as he haphazardly scrolled through his phone.

“Oh, so Sleeping Beauty CAN wake up without a kiss from their true love” Donghyuck teased as he plopped his bag onto his desk and rummaged through it for his laptop.

“I appreciate your attempts at being an alarm clock, but don’t you even dare try that method” Mark mumbled his empty threat.

That of course didn’t stop Donghyuck from shooting him with a wink and pursing his lips in the form of a kiss.

“By the way, you know who was downstairs” Donghyuck finally informed after finding his laptop and bringing it over to his bed.

“Alright. And?” Mark knew that he sounded impertinent, but he  _ really _ didn’t want to think about Johnny, let alone talk about him.

“He just said that he wants you to talk to him, in whatever form that may be. That he can’t stand you ignoring him anymore.”

Mark was silent for some time, chewing the inside of his cheek in thought. He fidgeted in his bed to get more comfortable, suddenly annoyed and restless from the message relay.

“I’ll think about it” he eventually huffed.

“That’s fine with me. I’ve done my part” Donghyuck sat down on his bed, stretching his legs out and his arms above his head before leaning back with his laptop on his thighs. “I personally don’t think that you owe him anything. If I were you, I’d let him wallow in his mistakes. Make him suffer and regret doing something like that, you know?”

“Hyuck, I know that you mean well, but I really don’t want to talk about this” Mark settled further into his mattress, beginning to hope that it would just swallow him whole.

His eyes flit over to Donghyuck, and he could see that the younger felt bad about making him uncomfortable. Donghyuck bit his bottom lip in thought, careful of his words because of the uneasy terrain.

“Winter break starts next weekend, are you going home?” Donghyuck asked as he typed away on his keyboard.

“Of course” Mark declared before even having a moment to hesitate. “I don’t want to spend another minute in this hell whole. The further I can get away from school and assignments, the better” he grumbled, pulling his blankets up further to his face, fending off the December chill that loomed in their room.

Donghyuck hummed in an agreeing tone. He let out a heavy sigh, “Just a little longer. Only a few more finals and then we’re free.”

 

*

 

Mark watched out the window as snowflakes fell softly atop their friends who had settled on the ground. He was sitting on the floor, his back turned towards the fireplace in his parents’ living room. He had been tasked with setting up the nativity scene at the center coffee table in the middle of the floor like he did every year. He had a system at this point, knowing exactly where he wanted to put Mary and Joseph, and what order he wanted to put the kings in. He took some liberties this year though, he had gathered some cotton balls from the bathroom and decided to pull them apart and place them around the scene to look like snow. He was admiring his craftsmanship when he heard the faint footsteps of someone walking in.

“That looks lovely, dear” his mother hummed fondly, her voice warm like the fire filling the room.

“Thanks” Mark mumbled bashfully, fiddling with one of the lamb figurines.

She sat down beside him, placing a cup of hot chocolate in front of him. “You haven’t told your father or I about how college has been. Have you been doing alright?”

Mark took the porcelain mug in his hand, letting it warm his palms before taking a tentative sip. “It’s been okay I guess...harder than high school of course” one side of his lip quirked up into a small smile.

“You said that your high school friends ended up going to the same college as you, do you still hang out with them?” she continued, sipping at her own cup that seemed to be filled with tea.

“Yeah, I’m even roommates with one of them” Mark tried to sound nonchalant about his menace of a roommate. Next year he’ll definitely have to opt to live alone or get a different roommate, because he can’t stand how late Donghyuck stays up at night playing video games.

“That must be nice” his mother cooed. “Have you made any new friends?” she asked as she leaned closer to the manger scene that Mark had created, straightening the baby Jesus figurine.

Mark paused, having to count on his fingers before he blurted some random, false number. He wasn’t even entirely sure if he was allowed to call them friends, but he was sure that his mother would lecture him if he said that he hadn’t. There was Taeyong and Jaehyun who he met at clubs and had lunch with, so there was two. And then Ten and Lucas would come along to eat with him in the dining hall as well from time to time, so that made four.

He had four of his fingers extended to represent the number of people he might classify as friends. There must have been another, so he extended his thumb as well to make five. Who else...there was...Johnny?

Mark slowly curled his thumb back in, returning to his previous four fingers. “About four” he concluded with a shrug of his shoulders.

“I’m glad to hear that” his mother hummed, looking him in the eye for the first time since she sat down with him. She carded her fingers through his hair — which had been dyed back to as close to his natural color as possible with help from Donghyuck — and brushed his fringe back so that she could get a better look at him. “When is my handsome boy going to get a girlfriend?” she pinched Mark’s cheek when he turned away from her sheepishly. “Do you already have one? Are you hiding her from me?”

Mark made his mom’s teasing come to a halt when he shoved his shoulder lightly against her arm that was assaulting his cheek. “I’m too busy with school, so there’s no time for me to worry about dating” he mumbled under his breath, embarrassed to be talking about something like this with his mom.

“Well, when you do-” his mother began as she heaved herself back up, “be sure to tell me. I would like to meet her. Only the best for my son, after all.”

Her smile was so beautiful, radiant and full of fondness before turning on her heel to leave the room and probably continue making her annual assortment of baked goods that she liked to give out to the neighborhood. Mark heaved a sigh of relief when he was finally alone again. He knew that his mother meant well, but her doting in his private life was admittedly overbearing.

He swirled his hot chocolate gently, watching the marshmallows spin in their dark pool as he thought about his answer on his friends. What even were he and Johnny anymore? What did he  _ want  _ them to be. Of course he was still mad at Johnny — scared even — but he couldn’t deny that he also had some really fun moments as well. Like when Johnny snuck him into a concert that he shouldn’t have been able to since they sold alcohol. Or when Johnny held a Mario Kart tournament in his room with all of their closest friends.

He gripped the outline of his phone in the front pocket of his pajama bottoms, tracing it as he debated. He let out a lengthy breath through his nose and clenched his jaw, pulling his phone out of his pocket. It took him a moment to get to his chat with Johnny, far down in his list from other messages being piled on top, like it was foreign to him. He tapped his thumb onto the chat box and saw the cursor immediately blink at him that it was waiting for him to type. But, he paused.

He shifted in his spot, thinking that maybe the way his legs had become numb was distracting him from writing. But, still nothing came. He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he wanted to forgive Johnny. Maybe it would be better for the both of them if they did just go their separate ways now, rather than always having these falling outs that they can’t seem to avoid. But, he also couldn’t bring himself to end it — to tell Johnny that he doesn’t want to be his friend anymore.

He stared blankly at the cursor, waiting for words to form in the empty chat box, but they never came. He didn’t want to think about this right now, not when he was on vacation. He could deal with this another time, but not now. So, he clicked his tongue in annoyance at his inability to make up his mind, and switched his phone off, only to gaze at the delicate twinkling of the Christmas tree instead.

 

*

 

It was creeping into night as 7PM rolled around. Even though it was only January, Mark was already sick of winter and its early sunrises and even earlier sunsets. He had come to what he had deemed as the music building, because it was where Donghyuck had most of his classes to collect said person from one of their clubs. At least, that’s what Donghyuck asked of Mark. But, upon his arrival, Mark learned that Renjun was already there with Donghyuck, and apparently they were going out for the night. Supposedly a sudden decision to go on a date or so Donghyuck told him.

So, here Mark was, marching back to the comfort of his room which he had reluctantly left its warm clutches and battled the freezing air all for someone who didn’t even need him after all. He cursed the younger under his breath, already tossing the hood of his jacket over his head in preparation for the onslaught of cold wind that he was about to face. But, as he was walking the narrow corridors, he heard a piano being played not too far in the distance. He almost continued on his way out, but something about the melody that shifted into one that sounded somewhat melancholic intrigued him. Not even intrigue really, he just oddly felt drawn to the tune that he would never say aloud that it resonated with him — with its desolate notes that left a feeling of emptiness.

He followed the song, weaving him in and out of hallways he had never been before. He briefly wondered if he would get in trouble, or if he was walking into his doom, because this certainly seemed like a trap in one of those easily predictable horror movies where he would be a serial killer’s next victim. Nevertheless, that didn’t stop him from seeking out the noise.

He rounded a corner and stopped once he found the room the music was coming from. He peeked his head past the frame of the door, which was conveniently open for him to hear better. The first thing that stood out to him was that the lights were not on, but that didn’t really matter given the fact that the room had ceiling to floor windows that let in as much light as possible. Which admittedly wouldn’t be much soon with the way the sun was setting.

It was beautiful though, the image of golden rays seeping into the room, lighting up the silhouette of a grand piano and a person playing it. Mark narrowed his eyes on the person, trying to make out any defining details. As Mark tried to get a good look at the person, they abruptly stopped playing.

“I can see you, y’know” they called from within the room. Mark could tell that they were looking his way, but they were backlit, so he couldn’t see their face.

That didn’t change the fact that by the voice, he could immediately tell that it was Johnny.

His heart couldn’t decide if it wanted to jump, constrict, or drop into the pit of his stomach — leading to an overall unsettling feeling that made goosebumps form on his skin. Out of all the people who could play the piano on this campus, it had to be  _ Johnny _ ?

He stood there motionless for a moment, physically and mentally frozen. His brain was screaming at him to just leave, to walk away and act like this never happened. But, he supposed that maybe Johnny was right — he had done enough running by now.

He walked into the room, not making eye contact with Johnny, only watching his feet hit the ground with every step closer to his downfall. He slid onto the bench beside Johnny, keeping his eyes trained anywhere  but the man next to him. It was at that moment when he realized that Johnny hadn’t been reading any sheet music.

“That was a nice song” Mark eventually uttered, his voice sounding too loud in the dead quiet room despite the fact that it had hardly been a whisper.

“Thanks” Johnny huffed a laugh at him, almost like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing or what was happening. “It’s just something I whipped up over winter break.”

Mark nodded his head like he understood, and he did to some degree. But, he’s almost positive that he hasn’t been going through as much pain as Johnny has.

“Remember when we made that bet in high school? The one where you would perform with me at the talent show if I kept my grades up?” Mark hummed fondly, reminiscing on the days he spent with Johnny before his parents had a say in their relationship.

“Yeah, I do” Johnny mumbled, and Mark could tell that his eyes were on him, but he didn’t have the courage to look at him.

The room was uncomfortably quiet for being a music room, and Mark couldn’t help but feel his palms becoming clammy from nerves. He was about to say something, pointless banter to break the unbearable silence, but it was Johnny who beat him to it.

“You know that I’m sorry right?” he began, and Mark felt himself spiraling into panic, because even though he put himself in this position — put himself right in the clutches of the devil — he still didn’t know how to go about this conversation. Even after months of putting it off, he still wasn’t prepared. “I would never do something like that with ill intent. I would never want to hurt you like that.”

Mark could see Johnny crumbling, caving in on himself as the guilt flooded through him. His ears burned with the way he could feel Johnny staring at him, but Mark looked out the window as sunlight glimmered across the falling snowflakes.

“...I know...” he was barely audible, and he wouldn’t have been surprised if Johnny hadn’t heard him. “But it still scared me...not being able to remember anything and only having your words to rely on for the truth” he let himself speak his mind freely while he thought about what to say next. “I do think that I owe you a ‘thank you’ though, for saving me from that creep.”

Within the suffocating silence between them, Mark could hear Johnny’s breath hitch in his throat.

“You could hardly say that I ‘saved’ you...not when I was the one who put you in that danger” 

“You didn’t know that would happen, so it’s not your fault...how many times is it now that you’ve saved me? Does that make it the third?” Mark offered a nervous laugh, embarrassed by the memories of him nearly drowning and cracking his head open on the floor.

“I guess it does” Johnny sounded perplexed in his voice, like Mark’s sudden lighthearted remark caught him off guard.

“Hey um...” Mark began, fumbling his feet together anxiously because he wasn’t sure how to word this. “I just want you to know that I forgive you.”

If he wasn’t looking at Johnny before, he definitely refused to now. He could feel his skin crawling under Johnny’s gaze, practically burning him, and suddenly the thought of going outside to face the snow didn’t sound so bad. He didn’t know what sort of response he was expecting, but he didn’t know that it would render Johnny speechless.

“Does this mean that we’re still friends?” Mark let out a breath that he didn’t know he had been holding when Johnny finally said something.

Mark cracked a small grin, an instinctual tug of the lips that he had whenever Johnny was flustered like this. “That song you were playing was really nice...do you think I could hear some more?” Mark asked instead of answering as he tore his eyes away from the window and they fell onto the keys of the piano.

There was more silence, which was then replaced by the sound of Johnny stirring in his seat. He sat up right and let his hands rest atop the keys. Mark spared his hands a glance, admiring the graceful bend of his wrists before Johnny started playing.

It only took Mark a couple notes to notice that it was a different song from earlier. The other one had sounded empty, but this one was a little...happier? It was still slow like the other one, but there was a feeling of only what he could describe as ‘hope’ there that wasn’t in the other song.

Mark built up the courage to finally look at Johnny, turning his head ever so slowly as to not draw attention to himself and distract the elder. It may have been his imagination, but he would even say that Johnny looked a little happy while playing. He wasn’t smiling or anything, but his eyes looked softly at the keys as his fingers danced across them.

The sunset was at its golden hour now, casting a beautiful, warm hue into the room that shined off of the white keys and melted into Johnny’s skin. Mark was at a loss for words, taking in every note he heard and the image of Johnny pouring his heart out into the song.

It was all so captivating, an ethereal scene that had Mark leaning in for more. Johnny turned his head to him, and their eyes at last met after months of avoiding. Johnny smiled and cocked his head in a cute way, one that Mark found hard to look away from. To his surprise, Johnny didn’t look away either. Even as he continued playing, his gaze lingered on Mark.

Usually Mark would be curling in on himself right about now, but there was something about this song and situation that calmed him. That’s why he was able to find himself leaning in even closer without the overwhelming urge to pull away. Mark didn’t know why, but at some point, his eyes had traveled from Johnny’s eyes to his lips. The song that he had been listening to oh so intently before only served as background noise to him now, too fixated on the man beside him to focus on the music anymore. Before he knew it, their faces were only mere inches apart, then centimeters, then nothing.

An unresolved note echoed throughout the room as their lips touched. It was just a peck, but time itself had seemed to stop from it along with the music. Mark pulled away slightly, enough to look at Johnny’s face and catch his eyes with his. Johnny was looking at him with pure astonishment and incredulity. Mark could see the hesitation in his expression when he lifted one of his hands from the keys and brought it up to Mark’s face. He let it hover over the skin of his cheek, but it was Mark who made the final say. He brought his own hand up and placed his palm on the back of Johnny’s hand, letting him cup his cheek.

Mark could see something flick inside Johnny’s eyes at that — something spark — and next thing he knew, Johnny was pulling him in again for more. It was a little more aggressive than the previous one considering that it had been nothing more than like a butterfly kiss. This time, there was a little more force behind their lips, more meaning. Mark already felt like he was floating, but when Johnny tilted his head back to dive in for more, he felt his head spin. Mark followed along with what Johnny was doing, trying desperately to keep up as their lips rolled against one another. Mark’s brain momentarily flickered to when he had seen people kiss with their tongues and everything in movies, and he internally thanked Johnny that they weren’t taking it that far because this was already a lot.

He couldn’t stop thinking about how nice Johnny’s lips felt against his, and how warm his hand was on his cheek. So this is what it’s like to actually kiss someone, he could get used to this. While Mark was lost in the feeling, Johnny brought his other hand around to the back of Mark’s head, grazing his fingers through the short hairs at the nape of his neck. The sudden sensation sent chills throughout his body and made a tiny, uncontrollable moan escape his lips, which became trapped in Johnny’s.

Mark had lost all sense of time, he couldn’t tell if it had been a minute or an hour, but also came to the realization that he didn’t care, not when he felt this good. To his dismay, it was Johnny who pulled away first. He huffed lightly for air, staring into Mark’s eyes and rubbing small circles into the back of his neck that had Mark unraveling at the seams.

Mark looked up at Johnny as he tried to clear his mind of the blaring desire that told him to kiss him again. As he came to, the situation that he was in dawned on him. He wondered to himself why he wasn’t more alarmed, but with the way Johnny was looking at him like he was smitten, it was hard to be anything but at ease in his arms.

“Shit...” Mark whispered in awe, letting it sink in that yes, he just kissed Johnny, and yes, he liked it.

Johnny huffed a fond chuckle, equally as stunned as Mark was. “Likewise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUYS THE FLUFF IS HERE! ARE YOU READY?!  
> Comments and kudos are much appreciated <3 let me know what you think so far  
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